Mr. Klutz Is Nuts! Read Free

another math problem right there!”
    “Well I did math problems for an hour last night,” I said. “That’s fifty whole minutes.”
    “An hour is sixty minutes, dumbhead,” Andrea told me.
    I was going to tell her that Sixty Minutes was a TV show my parents watch, but Mr. Klutz suddenly burst into our classroom. He told us that Miss Daisy had a dentist appointment and we would have a substitute teacher for the rest of the afternoon . . . Mr. Klutz!
    We all gasped.
    “You’re not a teacher!” I told him.
    “I used to be a teacher,” he said. “I taught for many years before I became a principal.”
    “What did you teach?” Ryan asked.
    “Physics,” he said.
    “What’s that?” I asked.
    “Is that like phys ed?” asked Michael.
    “Mr. Klutz, do you know that this is second grade?” Andrea pointed out.
    “Physics is something high school students study.”
    “Poppycock!” said Mr. Klutz. “You’re never too young to learn something new.
    You may find you’re smarter than you think.”
    “Well, if you say so.”
    “Physics is the study of motion and energy and force,” he said. “For example, if I take a blackboard eraser in one hand and a book in the other hand, and I drop them at the same time, which one will hit the floor first?”
    “The eraser!” I said. “It’s smaller and lighter, so it will fall faster. Just like small, light kids run faster than big, heavy kids.”
    “No, the book will hit the floor first!” insisted Ryan. “Bigger and heavier things build up more speed than little things.”
    “I think they’ll both hit the floor at the same time,” said Andrea.
    “Let’s do a test,” said Mr. Klutz.
    He put the eraser in his left hand and a paperback book in his right hand. Then he climbed on top of Miss Daisy’s desk and held both objects up in the air. Then he dropped them.

    The eraser and the book hit the ground at the exact same moment.
    “I told you so,” said Andrea. I think I hate her more every day.
    “According to the laws of physics, all objects fall at the exact same rate,” Mr. Klutz told us. “See? You’re learning physics in second grade!”
    “Wait a minute!” said Michael. “That’s not a fair test because the eraser and the book are almost the same size and weight.”
    “Yeah,” Ryan said. “Try it with different objects.”
    “Okay,” Mr. Klutz said as he picked up a pencil off Miss Daisy’s desk. Then he went over to the windowsill, where Miss 51
    Daisy kept her collection of stuffed ani-mals. He picked up a giraffe that was almost as big as I am. “Would this be a fair test?” he asked.
    “Yeah!” we all shouted.
    “Now, which object do you think will hit the floor first?” he said as he climbed up on top of Miss Daisy’s desk again.
    “The pencil!” some of us shouted.
    “The giraffe!” other kids yelled.
    “I think they will both hit the floor at the same instant,” said Andrea.
    “Okay, let’s do a test,” said Mr. Klutz.
    As he raised both his arms in the air, Mr. Klutz put his foot on a crayon that was sitting on Miss Daisy’s desk. It rolled a little. His foot slipped. He wob-bled for a moment, trying to keep his balance. Then he pitched headfirst off the desk.
    “Watch out!”
    Crash!
    When he hit the floor, the pencil and the giraffe went flying, and Mr. Klutz’s arms and legs went in different directions. It was just about the funniest thing that ever happened in the history of the world. You should have been there.
    We all ran over to see if Mr. Klutz was okay. He was holding his leg and moaning.
    “See?” Andrea said. “All three objects hit the ground at the same time. The pencil, the giraffe, and Mr. Klutz. So I was right.” I hate her.

     

When Mr. Klutz got back from the hospi-tal, we were all relieved to hear that he hadn’t broken any bones. He was limp-ing, though, and told us he would have to use a cane for a week.
    We were afraid he might call off the chocolate party, but he was more