Truly Tasteless Jokes Three Read Free

the Catholics?” asks his boss.
    “The Catholics are doing okay; they got the right idea.”
    “What about the Methodists?”
    “They’ve come a long way,” says the agent. “They’re doing just fine.”
    “And the Baptists?” asks the boss.
    “I just want to know one thing—when they baptize you, how long are they supposed to hold you under?”
    *
    This big black guy is in the Cadillac showroom eyeballing the most deluxe model, and over his face comes a grin that just won’t quit. Perplexed, the car salesman comes up to him and asks, “Exxcuse me, sir, but are you thinking of buying that car?”
    “I ain’t thinking about buying that car,” came the answer. “I is gonna buy that car.”
    “Very good, sir. But that car’s very expensive— why are you smiling so much?”
    “Cause I’m thinkin’ about pussy!”
    *
    There’s a new video game called Black Man:
It has two big lips that chase watermelons around the screen.
    *
    What do you call a black Smurf ?
A Smigger.
    *
    A black guy riding down the road in his new Caddie is so busy waving to his admirers that he completely misses the turn. Over the five-hundred-foot cliff plunges the car, to be smashed into pieces at the bottom—but no black man in sight. Finally we see him, fifty feet from the top of the cliff, clinging to a stunted bush with all his strength. “Dear Lord,” he prays, “I never asked you for nothin’ before, but I’m asking you now: Save me, Lord, save me.”
    Booms the Lord: “LET GO OF THE BRANCH.”
    “But Lord, if I do that I’ll fall.”
    “TRUST ME. LET GO OF THE BRANCH.”
    “But Lord, I’m gonna fall and die — ”
    “TRUST ME. HAVE I EVER LIED TO YOU BEFORE? LET GO OF THE BRANCH.”
    “No, Lord, you’ve never lied to me. Okay, here I go.” And he falls to his death.
    “DUMB NIGGER.”
    *
    What kind of candy should you send a black virgin on Valentine’s Day?
Chocolate-covered cherries.
    *
    Why does Georgia have blacks and California have earthquakes?
California had first pick.
    *
    What do you get when you cross a black with Bo Derek?
A “Ten of Spades.”
    *
    Why don’t blacks drive convertibles?
Because their lips would flap them to death.
    *
    What happens when you put an Odor-Eater in a black man’s shoes?
He disappears.
    *
    What is sickle-cell anemia?
AIDS for spades.
    *
    What does this mean: 1SS - r = 3NOW
    1SB
One soul sister on top of a soul brother, minus a rubber, equals three niggers on welfare.
    *
    There was once a wealthy Texan who had an unreasonable dislike for elephants. Realizing that it was a problem, he consulted a psychiatrist. The shrink told him, “This is a fairly common ailment and the cure is simple: You must go to Africa and shoot an elephant.” That sounded like a good idea, so the Texan flew to Africa and hired a Great White Hunter to take him on a safari to shoot an elephant. Working for the hunter was a local native who, in turn, hired a bunch of his fellows to spread out in a long line, blow horns, beat drums, and drive the elephants toward the elephant-blind where the hunters were waiting. As they waited for the elephant to come, there was suddenly lots of thrashing and bellowing in the bushes, and out came the Head Beater. The Texan shot him right between the eyes. The Great White Hunter became very irate. “What the hell did you do that for? He’s a good friend of mine; we’ve been together for twenty years!”
    The Texan replied, “If there’s anything I hate worse than elephants, it’s big black noisy niggers!”
    *
    What does a little black kid say as he’s walking back and forth alongside a zebra?
“Now you see me, now you don’t. Now you see me, now you don’t.”

Italian
     
     
    What’s red, green, blue, yellow, purple, and orange?
An Italian dressed up.
    *
    What’s the definition of a cad?
An Italian who doesn’t tell his wife he’s sterile until after she’s pregnant.
    *
    Have you heard about the Italian girl who flunked her driver’s license