Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf Read Free Page B

TTT
    And I swear, the force of Tommy's fart knocked him over. As his body crumpled to the floor, Tommy stood revealed behind him, bare butt aimed in his direction.

    Tommy grinned at me. "You okay there, Josh?"
    My eyes watered. Unfortunately, I'd been in the line of fire of that last blast. "I'm fine." My voice sounded funny because I was pinching my nose shut and ho ld ing my breath as I said it.
    "Cool." Tommy kicked Boombox, who didn't move a muscle. " And this dope is out cold."
    "Why was he in here, anyway?" I was still holding my breath as I spoke. "He's too young for this place, isn't he?"
    "He's some kind of head case," said Mr. Diogenes. "Can't take care of himself, supposedly. But I heard him talking to some people, and I think it's all a put-on. He said something about faking it to get disability payments. "
    "Well, let's go find a nurse to cart his carcass out of here," said Tommy. "And start his transfer in motion."
    I let go of my nose and tested the air...then pinched those nostrils shut all over again. "Hey, Tommy. You might want to hold off a minute on getting that nurse."
    He stopped in the doorway. "What?" Just then, another fart burst from inside him.
    GOOORRRRTT
    He grinned sheepishly and laughed. "Oh, right." He pulled up his pants and zipp ed them. "Mind if I crack a window, Mr. D.?"
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    *****
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    Chapter 6
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    An hour later, Boombox was gone. A nurse and an orderly came and woke him up with smelling salts , then tried to help him get back in bed . But he wouldn't go. He fought like crazy, begging them to get him out of that room. When they insisted he had to stay there because it was the only available bed in the home, he pushed them aside and stormed out. He said he didn't need to be there in the first place, and he'd rather lose his disability checks than be trapped in that gas chamber again.
    When the nurse asked us what he was talking about, we all shrugged. Mr. Diogenes just spun a finger around the side of his head, the international symbol for "crazy."
    The nurse lingered a moment longer, scowling with hands on her hips...and then she left us there, and we finally got down to bus iness.
    *****

    "So, Tommy." Mr. Diogenes folded his hands in his lap and smiled. "Why did you come to see me today?"
    Tommy sat down on the edge of the bed at Mr. D.'s feet. " The clue you showed me...the magical relic of Chonganda. Can I borrow it?"
    Mr. D. thought it over, then nodded. "Yes, if you 'll do me a favor. Will you check in on Gertrude? I haven't seen her since they checked me into this place three weeks ago."
    Tommy scratched under his arm, then sniffed his fingers. "My pleasure. You know I'm crazy about her."
    "All right then." Mr. Diogenes waved in the general direction of his bedside table. "It's in the top drawer of the nightstand."
    I was closest to where he was waving . Tommy gave me a look and bobbed his warty pickle nose toward the nightstand.
    I walked over and opened the top drawer. Inside, I saw just one thing: a rolled-up plastic bag with yellow contents. "Is this baggie what you want?"
    Mr. D. waved for me to hand it over, and I did. He unrolled it and held it up for us to see what was inside.
    "A squished-up piece of corn?" I frowned. "That's the clue?"
    Mr. Diogenes nodded solemnly. " Golden corn."
    Tommy leaned over and squinted at the baggie. "Well, it's yellow , but I wouldn't call it golden ."
    "It was ," said Mr. D.
    "Wait." Tommy's eyes bulged wider. "You mean that's..."
    "A piece of the golden barf." Mr. D. nodded. "Exactly. When I first found it, at home, it was solid gold. But a day later, it became an ordinary kernel of corn. I think Chonganda left it behind, and it transformed when he moved away from it."
    I grimaced and rubbed my chin. "If it's just ordinary corn, then what makes it a clue?"
    Mr. D. grinned. "If it turns into plain corn when it's away from Chonganda..."
    "...it should turn back into gold when we close in on him," said Tommy. "It's a Chonganda