Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf Read Free Page A

Boombox's bed. He pushed the curtain open a little, then turned his back toward Boombox's side of the room.
    Sightless Mr. Diogenes angled his head toward Tommy, listening for what he was going to do next. He didn't react when Tommy popped the button on his filthy bluejeans, but his dark eyebrows went up at the sound of Tommy unzipping his fly.
    As for me, I was about ready to duck out the door...but my curiosity held me in place. I was dying to know how Tommy planned to get rid of Boombox. What did unzipping his jeans have to do with it?
    It didn't take long to find out.
    Tommy eased the seat of his jeans down, exposing his bare butt. It looked much cleaner than the rest of him, which surprised me; the skin of his backside was actually pink instead of brown and gray.
    Next, Tommy shuffled back a step and bent over , pushing his naked butt between the curtain and wall into Boombox's space. Boombox was silent, which made me think he hadn't turned yet and seen that butt staring him in the face.
    Tommy closed his eyes, clenched his teeth, and hunkered down a little further. The room was silent for one more moment.
    And then it exploded with a great, shuddering fart.
    BLOOOOOORRRRTTTT!
    The first blast sounded like a bowling ball knocking down ten pins all at once. I'd never heard a fart that explosive in my life.
    And apparently, the noise wasn't the worst of it.
    "Yaaahhh!!" Boombo x cried out right away, as if the shot had scared him...but then, as the blast faded, he howled again. "Ewwww! That horrible smell !"
    Tommy opened his eyes and flashed a nasty grin in my direction. Then, he returned to his work, scrunching up his face as he bore down for another blast.
    The second fart was louder than the first. It sounded like booming fireworks, followed by a high-pitched screech.
    POOOOOOOMMMM
    SQUEEEEEEETTT
    "Aarrgh!" Boombox coughed so hard, he gagged. "Stop it! Stop that stiiink! "
    But there was no stopping Tommy now. With a chuckle, he bore down a third time, letting loose an extended rumble like rolling thunder. Just as it trailed off, he fired a whistling whine that rose and fell, rose and fell, like someone playing an oboe in the school orchestra.
    WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO
    "Ack!" Past the end of the curtain, I saw Boombox's feet scramble off the bed. "No more! Please, stop!" Again, he descended into relentless coughing.
    But Tommy would show no mercy. His next fart was a modulated squeal like screeching tires, followed by a series of stuttering bangs like popping firecrackers.
    SKEE-EE-EE-EE-EE
    PAK-AK-AK P-KAK
    By then, I started to understand why Boombox was making a fuss. Tommy's gas had begun to sift over to our side of the room, and the stink was truly foul.
    I waved my hand in front of my face, but it did no good. The smell continued to strengthen, like the putrid aroma of a hundred loaded diapers splattered with twenty dozen rotten eggs.
    "PEE-YEWWW!" Boombox knocked something over, and it clattered to the floor. "Oh, it's awful !"
    SHWEEEE-OO-EET
    SHPLOOOORRRT
    "What do you want from me?" Boombox knocked over something else. "What do I have to do to get you to stop ?"
    "Get out!" said Tommy. "And never come back!"
    BLAAAAAATT
    Boombox launched into another coughing fit. "You mean...KAFF KOFF...find another room ?"
    BEEEYOWWWW
    Tommy started shuffling backward into Boombox's space. "I mean find another nursing home! "
    BORRR-BORRR-BOOORRRRRT
    Suddenly, the curtain whipped aside, and I got my first look at Boombox. He was tall, at least six feet, and lanky; he was also surprisingly young . He looked to me like he was in his late twenties or thirties, with shaggy blond hair and no wrinkles.
    He staggered straight toward me, reaching out with both hands. "Please help me! KAFF KAFF HAK! Tell him to stop!"
    I was coughing myself as I backed away, holding my arm over my nose and mouth to cut the stench.
    Boombox's face turned angry. "You've got to help me!" He made a sudden lunge at me...
    FLOOO OOO ORRR RRRR RRRTT