The Romance Novel Book Club Read Free

Heart’s Desire. Sure I’ve had good partners in bed, but the minute I brought them to meet my parents, they ran like foxes on hunting day and moved to Antarctica . Or so their Facebook status proclaimed. Maybe I needed to come up with a story on how my parents were eaten by lions while on a humanitarian mission in Africa . Pity sex for the poor traumatized daughter, anyone?
    I turned the key in the ignition and heard the devastating click click click.
    “Oh no. Please start.” I implored the engine to turn over. The car let out a sound like a cow dying, and a crack of thunder accented my souring mood. Hurray. Time to humiliate myself in front of Matt again. I’d have to find a new Friday night dinner place or order take out after my night of utter embarrassment.
     
     

Chapter Three
     
    As I started down the sidewalk, the sky decided to complement my day by bringing down a deluge of water. In my infinite ‘wisdom’, I had left the apartment not only without checking the weather, or grabbing an umbrella, but also wearing a white cotton top and no coat. By the time I reached the restaurant, my lacey pink pushup bra heralded ‘Hello, world. Look at these hooters. WOO!’ I knocked on the door and pressed my enormous orbs into the pane of glass. Yes, gentlemen. These could all be yours for the price of a ride home.
    My lips quivered as the air became cooler, bringing my ta-tas to full attention. About that time, Matt appeared at the door but didn’t open it. Apparently he was very apt at spotting a sexual beast on the prowl. Rawr.
    “My car won’t start. Can I use your phone to call a cab?” I yelled through the glass. With my hair plastered to my face, I pleaded with him using the eyes on my chest.
    “Go around back, and I’ll let you in.” Matt pointed to the side.
    I nodded and took off down the small alleyway, wondering how important man on woman sex was to me. Maybe I should grab the L train and skip the business of courting a man to play with my va-jay-jay.
    Matt opened the door, and I scampered in, giving my boobs a joyful bounce across the threshold. Awkward silence hung like mistletoe between us, and in my mind I saw that romance novel mocking my nookie-free existence. Doing it in the rain had always been a fantasy of mine.
    “Oh, Matt!” She took his pressing kisses, her arms wrapping easily around his neck as the rain soaked them to the core. Her ginormous boobs popped free of confinement as Ma tt jerked the white cotton down , caressing, fondling, and teasing them. She bent her head back as his warm kisses trailed down her neck, leading a path to her two amazing knockers.
    With my luck the Pope himself would show up, slap me on the back of the head, and call me jezebel harlot sinner. Twenty Hail Marys and fourteen Our Fathers, please. Either that or the rain would work its way into my nostrils and my passionate ‘oh Matt!’ would sound more like ‘Oh, gurgle-hack-hack-choke.’
    Oh crap. I realized Matt had been talking to me while I wandered off to Fantasy Island .
    “I’m sorry, Matt. It’s been a really weird day for me.” I played with my lips, dragged my teeth along the lower one.
    “I was saying that a cab takes forever around here. I don’t mind you hitching a ride with me on one condition.” He had a lovely leather biker jacket on which made him look totally bad ass. I swear it took all of my resolve not to jump his bones.
    Oh dear. The twins were in orbit again.
    “That would be beyond sweet of you! Um, condition?”
    “You always pay cash. I don’t know your name.” He slapped his keys on his palm, giving me a cocky grin. “And, well, my name’s on the tag I’m forced to wear. You have me at a disadvantage.”
    “Patricia.” Oh. OH! Yes! If I gave him my name, we could be all like ‘Oh Matt!’ ‘Oh Patricia!’ ‘OH MATT!’ ‘OH PATRICIA!’. My knees weakened, and my dry panties were done for.
    “Well, Patricia. Shall we get you home?”
    A squeaky