The Mystery of the Mystery Meat Read Free

just…unalive. And he’s a hero! He just saved us from—”
    Freekin cleared his throat and gave his head a quick shake. He had explained to Lilly that she couldn’t go around talking about how he had burned down the factory. He was trying to keep that a secret.
    “Oh, right,” Lilly said under her breath.
    Mr. Weezbrock gave Lilly a death stare. No decent Snickering Willowite could ask a question, of course. Mr. Weezbrock couldn’t say, “Saved us from what?” Law-abiding Snickering Willowites made leading statements and left them unfinished, waiting for the other person to fill in the blanks.
    “Yes, he, uh, saved Deirdre and me from getting run over by a fire truck,” Lilly said quickly, her eyes big and wide. “The driver didn’t even see us! Freekin pushed us out of the way and let it hit him instead.”
    She flung her arms wide open as she gestured, and her father’s heavy eyebrows merged into one thick, angryunibrow across his forehead as he stared at Freekin’s hand in hers. She followed his line of vision.
    “His body parts went flying all over the block,” she added. “I was just helping him find them.”
    “Humph.” Her father looked thoroughly unimpressed. “You shouldn’t have been outside where a fire engine could hit you in the first place.” He opened the door a little wider and cleared his throat.
    Wow, he really doesn’t like me,
Freekin thought as his ears stopped tingling. A large clump of snow slid off the roof and whumped the top of his head, breaking apart and covering his shoulders. He stared at Mr. Weezbrock, who glared at him with the laser-like eyes of an angry parent. If looks could kill, it was a lucky thing Freekin was already undead.
    “Lilly,”
Mr. Weezbrock said angrily, giving his head a jerk.
    “Okay, Daddy.” Lilly gave Freekin his hand back. “Um, well, thanks again for saving my life. Good night.”
    “Good night,” Freekin replied, holding his severed hand and trying to act natural as he stuffed it into the pocket of his jeans. The fingers stuck straight up, like someone trying for a low five. “Good night, Mr. Weezbrock,” he added.
    “Don’t talk to me,” her father replied as Lilly scootedpast him into the house. The door slammed shut in Freekin’s face, and the holiday wreath slapped against the door like a floppy tongue.
    As Freekin turned to go, he heard Mr. Weezbrock’s voice through the door.
    “That boy gives me the creeps. You should stick with Brad Anderwater. Star quarterback, rich, living…”
    “Daddy, Brad is mean,” Lilly replied. “Just give Freekin a chance. I’m sure you’ll like him once you get to know him.”
    Freekin couldn’t hear Mr. Weezbrock’s reply as father and daughter moved farther away from the door. Freekin did the same, but his foot had frozen to the snowy porch and it came off with a pop. Sighing, he bent down on one knee and pushed it back onto his leg.
    His stomach fluttered, a combination of lovesickness and maggots. As soon as he was out of sight, he plucked one of the little squirmy guys out of his mouth and set it gently on a tidbit of shiny green ham that had fallen out of a discarded sandwich he’d found.
    “Party on, dude,” he said.
    People in love want everyone to be happy.

    Freekin was in love, and Pretty was miserable. Tears spilled down her cheeks from her seven eyes and froze onher face like random extra fangs. She chewed miserably on the telephone pole she was hiding behind, watching as Freekin strolled down the street with a goony smile on his adorable, lesion-covered face.
    After all she had done, after all she had risked, her Freekin still loved Yucky Lilly better than her. Smoke rose from the top of her head, left over from the blazing fire she had created to save
his
friends and
his
mommy and daddy and
his
doggie from eating Toasty Twinkle–flavored Mystery Meat.
    After working up the most amazing fire of her entire life (and she was over a million years old) to save
his
town, she