The Mill on the Shore Read Free

action surprised them both. Usually she drank very little, preferring mineral water to wine at dinner, getting angry when Caitlin persuaded the students to buy her beer at the bar, or take her to the Dead Dog in Markham Law.
    ‘Why aren’t the Cairns here?’ Tim asked suddenly as if it had just occurred to him.
    ‘I don’t know,’ Ruth said. ‘They were asked.’ She was surprised by the question and wondered what lay behind it. ‘ Look,’ she went on, ‘I’m sure Mum wouldn’t mind you watching television. I’ll tell her where you are.’ It had come to her again that Meg’s control was fragile, that it could give way at any moment and she wanted the children out of the way before her mother broke down.
    ‘There’s a survival programme on,’ Tim said. ‘ I don’t suppose Em will want to watch that … She’ll make me put on some ghastly game show. Or Neighbours. ’
    ‘I tell you what,’ Ruth said hurriedly, ‘if there’s any problem you can watch the television in my room. Then you can choose whichever programme you like. But take Emily with you now. I expect she’s had enough too.’
    ‘She’s had four meringues already,’ he said gloomily. ‘You know what she’s like with Rosie’s meringues. She’ll probably be sick.’
    But he went without a fuss to fetch his sister who was standing by the buffet, staring covetously at the last piece of coffee gateau. With relief Ruth watched them go quietly from the room.
    She took a deep breath to calm her nerves then went over to her mother and shyly took her hand.
    ‘Are you all right?’ she said. ‘You don’t have to go through all this, you know. We can tell them to go home.’
    They’re only showing off, she thought. Claiming they’re important because they knew the great Jimmy Morrissey. And they didn’t really know him at all. Not like we did.
    ‘No,’ Meg said. ‘ We can’t send them away. Not yet. I’ve got something to say.’
    She was a small woman, dark and fine featured, compelling. Ruth towered over her and always felt clumsy in comparison. After years of living in England Meg’s voice could still become Welsh when she was emotional. ‘Moulded by chapel and the valleys,’ James would say of her, half teasing. ‘And very principled indeed. When it suits.’
    He thought Mother was stupid, Ruth realized in surprise. And she saw that in one way her mother was indeed stupid. Her reactions were always passionate and instinctive. She was incapable of cool thought, of seeing anyone else’s point of view. For the first time she wondered how James could have liked her mother. It was an uncomfortable thought and she returned to the conversation.
    ‘What do you want to say?’ she demanded, confused, but her mother ignored the question and looked around her.
    ‘Where are Tim and Emily?’ she asked.
    ‘Watching television in the flat.’ She knew Meg disapproved strongly of the television. ‘ They did ask. Is that OK?’
    Why does my mother always make me feel so nervous? she wondered. Why can’t I trust my own judgement for once? She’s made us all too dependent on her.
    ‘Yes,’ Meg said, absent-mindedly, almost to herself. ‘Of course. It’s as well they’re not here. I’d be reluctant to speak in front of them. But it has to be said …’
    ‘What has to be said?’ Ruth cried. She thought her mother was going mad.
    But Meg seemed not to hear and walked to the front of the room where she clapped her hands like a teacher calling for attention. The noise in the room subsided and they jostled forward so they could see her.
    ‘My friends …’ she said. Ruth stood with her back to the window. Meg’s slight figure was hidden by the crowd but her words were quite audible.
    ‘My friends …’ Meg went on. ‘ I want to talk to you about my husband, to make one thing clear …’
    Ruth wished she had the courage to interrupt. Don’t listen to her! she wanted to shout to all the people in the room. My mother’s