A red tainted Silence Read Free

my breath out in a whoosh. Jenny looked at me, her eyes showing a curiosity that made me uncomfortable. She kept looking at me like that. I looked back at the road.
    “Um, who are you guys talking about?” I finally asked, cursing myself.
    “The guy who plays Jacob.”
    “Nicholas Kilmain.” All three girls in the back sighed.
    And that was the first time I heard his name, in a car full of giggling, sighing ninth-grade girls. In the coming years, I’d see a lot of that kind of behavior directed toward 8 Carolyn Gray
    Nicholas. I’d watch him eat it up and run with it as I drowned in horrible want and envy, but right then I had no idea how Nicholas Kilmain would irrevocably change my life. Would I have done anything different if I’d known? Would I have dropped the girls off, disappeared for two hours, and missed the most important revelation of my life?
    As I write this now, and watch Nicholas as he sleeps in his hospital bed, I have to answer no. No, despite all the pain and heartache ... No. I wouldn’t have done anything different, at least not about the early years. Later, though ...
    I pulled into the high school parking lot and after a few minutes of searching finally found a spot. The lot was jam-packed with cars. All for a high school play? I got out of the car and looked around as I held the seat for the girls to get out. They were giggling again about something and, arms linked, headed for the auditorium. I locked my car and followed, realizing then that Jenny had stayed behind.
    “What’s up, Sprout?” I asked her, looping my arm around her shoulder. I really liked Jenny a lot -- over the years she would time and again be the one I’d turn to whenever things got really rough. No other woman knew me like Jenny did. Not even my mom.
    “Not much. You okay, Brandon?” she asked, sliding her arm around my waist.
    “Yeah. Why do you ask?”
    She shrugged as we followed after her friends. Missy looked over her shoulder, a wistful expression on her face.
    “Watch out, Missy has the hots for you.”
    I grimaced and pulled her closer. “Missy’s out of luck. You’re my date tonight.” She laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t let her sit next to you.”
    “Thanks. So why’d you ask if I was okay?”
    She shrugged again. “I don’t know. Mom says things aren’t going so well for you. She’s worried. She thinks you guys should fire Reggie.” I grinned. “Yeah, my mom’s told me that a lot lately.”
    “So, why don’t you?”
    Now it was my turn to shrug. “Finding a decent singer is hard. It’s everything. Reg has a great voice, but --”
    “But he’s never there.” She paused. “I have a confession to make.”
    “What?”
    “I have an ulterior motive for asking you to take us tonight.” We joined the end of the line, and I dropped my arm from around her shoulder. We stood a few feet from her friends.
    Their heads were bowed over a program. Giggling again.
    “And what would that be?”
    Her eyes danced. “I want you to hear this guy. Nicholas Kilmain. He’s incredible, Brandon. I just know he’d be perfect for your band.” A Red-Tainted Silence
    9

    “But he’s ... You guys said he was gay.”
    She peered up at me, her eyes conveying a seriousness I saw often in Jenny’s eyes.
    “That doesn’t matter to you, though. Does it?”
    My face heated. Icy prickles ran up my spine. I had to force myself to not look away.
    Act cool. Stuff my hands in my pocket. “What do you mean by that?” She smiled then, a sorta sad smile, as she gripped my arm and leaned toward me. I automatically bent my head to her. “Because you are, too.” I snapped my head back and wrenched from her grasp. Missy and the other two turned and looked at me, eyes wide with curiosity. I glared at Jenny. “Fuck, Jenn. What makes you say that?”
    But the persistent brat merely smiled and grabbed my hand. “Because Jenny just knows things, that’s why.”
    “But --”
    She pulled me close. “Stop looking so