The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel Read Free Page B

friend,
JERRY CHARIOT
      
    PS: If you’re God then me and Robert will pray a lot more but we’ll still write letters.
      

      
    Dear Man of Steel,
      
    I hope you don’t mind if I put two letters in one envelope but I just figured something out and so I told Robert and so now we don’t think you’re God anymore. I told Robert that The Phantom Zone and Purgatory can’t be the same place since when people get out of The Phantom Zone they come back to Earth and they don’t go to Heaven. And so if you can’t send people to Heaven then you can’t be God. Robert said he had to think about it because he had a funny feeling you’re still God. But even if you’re not, we still hope you’ll press the White Button and get us out of Purgatory if we happen to go there. Thank you very much again.
      
YOUR PALS,
Jerry and Robert
      
    PS: Remember that Superfan Club I was telling’ you about? Well, I think I should be President but Robert don’t. He thinks he should be President. And so we decided that you should decide. We both think we would be good Presidents except I think I would be better. So could you hurry up and tell us so we’ll know? Thank you.
      

      
    DEAR CLARK KENT, if you know what I mean,
      
    Me and Robert know a lot about you but we won’t say it here in case somebody picks this up off your desk or something and guesses what you don’t want them to guess. Especially Lois Lane who thinks you’re Superman—isn’t that dumb Ha-Ha! (I put that in just in case.) Anyway, the reason we’re sending this letter to you is because we know you see Superman sometimes and we want you to tell him something for us the next time you see him which might be any minute if you know what I mean. Tell him we found that Kryptonite meteor which wasn’t really Kryptonite but we burried it anyway just in case there was Kryptonite inside of it. So now he don’t have to worry if he flies over the Duck Rock where me and Robert have our new Secret Hiding Place ever since Old Lady Holbrook caught us in our old one and told my dad. The Duck Rock is a lot better anyway because it’s REAL big and it sticks WAY up in the air and if you fell off the top you’d probly get killed unless you knew how to fly. Which I don’t yet. Which is why my mom said I was NEVER allowed to climb up on top and neither is any of the other kids and that’s why me and Robert picked it. Because everybody else is chicken to climb on the Duck. And because it’s a real good spot to land on. And because it’s real easy to find especially if you got X-ray Vision. Which  reminds me. Would you also tell Superman that it don’t matter if he looks at Sister Mary Justin’s brests or not because Robert asked his older brother Bruno if nunns have brests and Bruno said if she didn’t have brests then she would be a priest. But tell Superman we said thank you for trying very much anyway.
      
Sincerly Yours,
JERRY CHARIOT and ROBERT SIPANNO
      

         
    Dear SUPERMAN,
      
    Every time I pick up one of your books I see Lois Lane is trying to bother you by trying to figure out your Secret Identity and I don’t know why you still like her so much. I mean Jimmy Olsen doesn’t do things like sneaking up from behind and trying to cut your hair to see if the sizzors will break because your hair is indestructable like everything else you have. I know Lois worships the ground you fly over and she even wants to merry you but if she REALLY loved you then she wouldn’t bother you so much and she would just love you whoever you are like me and Robert do. Doesn’t she know that if everybody knew you was really Clark Kent then everybody would want to come and see you and go for a ride on your back and bother you all the time? And then you wouldn’t have time to get scoops or save people or play with your Superdog Krypto. Me and Robert was thinking maybe we should write Lois a letter and tell