The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel Read Free Page A

Kryptonite. Only we couldn’t. That’s why we thought as long as you’re using your X-ray Vision on Sister Mary Justin maybe you could also find that Kryptonite. And then you could write us a letter and tell us where it is and we’ll go get rid of it so it don’t kill you in case you decide to come and visit us sometime. You’re welcome.
      
      

    Our Friend Superman,
      
    Me and Robert just read THE PHANTOM SUPERBOY where you accidently got projected into The Phantom Zone in GIANT SUPERBOY NO. 165. It was too bad how that baby lizzerd accidently pressed the Black Button when you was standing in front of The Phantom Zone Punishment Machine and you disappeard. Boy, if that ever happend to me I would REALLY be scared but you never get sacred and that’s why I like you so much. And so does Robert. And it’s really hard to explain about what I wanted to explain about, Superman. But I’ll try.
    You see, Sister Mary Justin in school has been talking a lot about Purgatory lately and how that’s where you go when you’re not bad enough to suffer everlasting punishment in Hell and you’re not good enough to suffer everlasting happiness in Heaven. She said you just have to wait there in Purgatory until God decides you sufferd a lot and then you get into Heaven. And if people on Earth pray for you while you’re in Purgatory then you can get out sooner if you got enough prayers. Like about five hundred million Hail Marys.
    But the only trouble is you’re not allowed to pray for yourself while you’re there because it’s too late. That’s why I’m praying a lot now in case I go to Purgatory when I die then I’ll get out a LOT sooner. But if you go to Hell then it don’t matter because you can NEVER get out of Hell. And that means you wasted a lot of time praying on Earth when you didn’t have to. So far I have 677 Hail Marys and 12 Our Father Who Art In Heavens. Which is a LOT more than Robert.
    Anyway, what me and Robert was thinking was that Purgatory and The Phantom Zone might be the exact same place exactly. Especially since you can get out of The Phantom Zone after a long time, just like you can get out of Purgatory after a long time. Except you don’t have to pray to get out of The Phantom Zone. You just have to wait.
    And me and Robert read in GIANT SUPERBOY NO. 165 how criminels on Krypton were sent to The Phantom Zone because then they were invisible and they couldn’t steel nothing or kill nobody. And after they were there for a long time and they were sorry for their sins, then they could stand in front of The Phantom Zone Punishment Machine and somebody would press the White Button and they’d come back. That’s the way it worked.
    Well, Sister Mary Justin said God sends people to Purgatory just like you send people to The Phantom Zone only God doesn’t have a Purgatory Machine. He just does it. And so Robert and me was thinking that if we ever go to Purgatory when we die then you could press the White Button and get us out. And then we wouldn’t have to keep praying so much. And then we could write you more letters and maybe we could even start a Superman Fan Club. And I know this is very mixed up, but since you have Super branes we know you’ll figure it out. Thank you very much.
      
Your friend,
JERRY and ROBERT SIPANNO
      
    PS: Did you ever find that piece of Kryptonite and Sister Mary Justin’s brests?
     

      
    DEAR SUPERMAN,
      
    The other day Robert said maybe Superman was really God and I laughed. He said maybe Superman is really God just like Clark Kent is really Superman because you and God both can send people to Purgatory. I told Robert I would write and ask you just in case he might be right. So could you please tell us if you’re really God and if Superman is just your secret identity and we promise we won’t tell anybody else? Not even anybody who might join our Superfan Club when we start it. Thank you.
      
Your