The Heinie Prize Read Free

you appreciate it? No.”
    â€œMrs. Heinie doesn’t like Belzer,” Feenman said. “She told him he wasn’t born. He slithered out from under a rock.”
    â€œShe told him he has the IQ of an egg,” Crench said. “But not as much personality.”
    â€œShe was teasing him,” I said. “You know her wonderful sense of humor.”
    â€œShe doesn’t have a sense of humor,” Feenman said. “She said that Belzer was lower than the wart on the bottom of her foot.”
    â€œWell, we all have room for improvement,” I said. “We’ll just have to show Mrs. H. the truth about Belzer.”
    â€œThe truth?” Crench asked. “What’s the truth?”
    â€œThat Belzer is the MAN,” I said. “The main DUDE. That Belzer is a genius. A brilliant student. A perfect citizen.”
    The two of them just stared at me with their mouths hanging open. They didn’t know what to say.
    I waved them to the door. “Hurry. Go get him,” I said. “No. Wait. Let him finish my laundry. Then bring him in here!”

Chapter 7
A H IGH F EVER ?
    An hour later they brought Belzer into my room. He dropped the tall stack of clean clothes on my bed. “I used a fabric softener for your boxer shorts, Bernie,” he said. “So they’ll be feathery soft the way you like them.”
    Feenman and Crench started to giggle.
    â€œShut up,” I said. “Can I help it if I have sensitive skin?”
    I turned to Belzer and put a hand on his shoulder. “Say good-bye to the old Belzer,” I said.
    He blinked. “Huh?”
    â€œThe new Belzer is born today,” I told him. “We’re going to keep you here in Rotten School. We’re gonna make you Outstanding Student and Outstanding Citizen. You’re gonna win the Heinie Prize!”
    His mouth dropped open. He burped.
    â€œAre you sure about this, Bernie?” Feenman said.
    I closed Belzer’s mouth for him. “We’ll shape this guy up in no time,” I said. I pulled a fat bug from his hair. “The dude is outstanding on the inside . We just have to bring the inside outside !”
    Belzer blinked again. “Turn me inside out? Won’t that hurt?”
    â€œWe’ll start with his clothes,” I said. “Belzer, what’s this T-shirt you’re wearing under your school blazer? Let me see what it says.”
    I pulled the blazer open and read the T-shirt:

    I tossed my hands into the air. “It’s hopeless!” I sighed. “Totally hopeless!”
    I heard the click of shoes in the hall. Mrs. Heinie poked her head into the room. She squinted at me. “What’s hopeless, Bernie?” she demanded.
    â€œUh…trying to keep up with Belzer,” I said. “He’s so brilliant and outstanding , the rest of us can’t keep up with him. It’s hopeless.”
    â€œGo lie down, Bernie,” Mrs. Heinie said. “I’ll get two aspirins for you. You must be running a high fever.”
    She hurried away.
    Feenman and Crench shook their heads. “This isn’t going to work,” Crench said. “No way Belzer can win that prize.”
    I pressed my hand over his mouth. “Don’t say that,” I said. “You know my motto: ‘Never Give Up!’ Did I give up when we had to paddle that rubber raft over the raging whitewater falls?”
    â€œBernie, that was a video game,” Crench said.
    â€œBut I didn’t give up!” I exclaimed. “And I’m not giving up on my pal Belzer. He can be outstanding. I know he can.”
    I turned to Belzer. He was cleaning the front of his LOSER T-shirt, wiping it with both hands. “I just burped up some of my dinner,” he said. “I hate when that happens!”

Chapter 8
A F LESH -E ATING D ISEASE
    How could I convince Mrs. Heinie that the biggest loser in the fourth grade should win the Most Outstanding prize?