The Extremely Epic Viking Tale of Yondersaay Read Free

more flying and sailing and waiting and driving.”
    “Yes, dear, we do.”
    “Will you tell us one of your stories to keep us going?” Mum said.
    “Well, now,” Granny said, “I suppose that would be one way to pass the time. But what if nobody wants to hear my stories?”
    “We do, Granny,” Ruairi said. “Only not the one about the one-eyed tortoise who took a hundred years to lay an egg.”
    “Or the one about how handbags were invented,” Dani said.
    “You don’t like those stories?” Granny asked, and Dani and Ruairi shook their heads.
    The Millers found their row and took their seats.
    “Hmm, let me see.” Granny closed her eyes and thought for a moment. “It wasn’t today or yesterday …” Granny began. This was the way she always began her stories.
    “Granny, you’re supposed to say ‘Once upon a time,’” Dani said.
    “No, Dani. ‘Once upon a time,’ is the ordinary way to begin an ordinary story. There are no ordinary stories about Yondersaay. Besides, when you hear a story that begins ‘Once upon a time,’ you start out with a set of expectations. You are not surprised when the beans turn out to be magic beans or when the frog turns into a prince. You expect everything to end ‘happily ever after’ with the baddies getting their comeuppance and the goodies getting married. This is not one of those stories. This is a true story; it actually happened. There are no poison apples or handsome frogs, and I’m sorry to tell you, Yondersaay stories don’t all end up ‘happily ever after.’”
    “Okay, Granny,” Dani said as Granny wedged herself into her seat. “As you were …”

The King of the Danes

     
     
    “It wasn’t today or yesterday,” Granny began again. “It was a long, long time ago when the world was warmer, and some believed the sun moved around the earth. There was a Viking of old called King Dudo the Mightily Impressive, lord over all Denmark. King Dudo was a big man, broad and tall, with tanned skin tight across bulging muscles and long reddish-blond hair that fell in thick waves to his elbows—a mighty warrior. All who fought with him worshipped him, and those who fought against him trembled in fear at the very sight of him. An adventurer, he pillaged and plundered as far north as the turn in the world and as far south as the oceans of sand.
    “One bright autumn, King Dudo and his warriors set sail from their homeland to the northern-most seas of the world. They wore thick layers of skins and furs against the cold of the northern air.
    “Among their number on this westward voyage was a famous monk from the lower lands called Brother Brian the Devout and Handy with Numbers. Brother Brian had the gift of navigation and was an expert star-reader. His job was to guide King Dudo and his Viking warriors to the northern lands.
    “After roiling upon the waves for many weeks, their supplies diminishing, and cramp and fatigue setting in, the Vikings were anxious for the sight of land. Surprised they had not found land yet, some began to doubt Brother Brian’s ability. A whispering campaign started at the backs of the longships: “Brother Brian has gotten us lost!”
    “Now, while it is true that Brother Brian was tasked with getting the Vikings safely to and from the lands of the north, only King Dudo knew that Brian had another task—another secret task.
    “It had long been suspected that in the middle of the northern-most seas, between the homelands of the Danes and the far-off lands, below the turn in the world but beyond the craggy cliffs of Land of the Scots, lay an island. This island was often the subject of the songs and tales of the kingdom’s official storytellers, the court skalders. The stories described it as an enchanted island, cloaked in secrecy. The island was called Yondersaay.
    “Viking legend tells that after death, the most worthy Viking warriors would meet in Valhalla, the Hall of the Dead, for a final battle. Anything a Viking had