The Color of Forever Read Free

buckets of money. He was charming and funny and he drove a great car.”
    “He did look pretty good on paper,” Bailey replied, stepping back and picking up her wine again.
    “When we first started dating,” I said, “I remember ticking off all those little boxes on the Great Husband Material List and believing I’d hit the jackpot, but now everything feels so superficial. What does all of that matter if you don’t really know somebody? If you’re not truly connected— in here —like you should be?” I held my fist over my heart.
    “He wasn’t the one for you,” she said, a second time.
    “But is there really such a thing as the one ?” I argued. “God, the world’s such a big place. How do you ever find that one person, and how do you know they’re it? I thought Mark was the one for me, but most of the time, I had no idea what was going on inside his head, and he didn’t know what was going on inside of mine. I thought that was normal, because no one’s a mind reader, right? You live together, you get to know each other pretty well, but you’re still two separate people.”
    We moved into the living room and sat down on the sofa, facing each other from opposite ends.
    “But the whole time,” I continued, “it was like we were playing house, pretending to be each other’s one and only, but we weren’t really connected at all. We couldn’t have been, or I would have known he wasn’t happy.” I sat forward and set my wineglass on the coffee table.
    “Is that what all marriages are like?” I asked Bailey, thoughtfully. “Is it just a big act for everyone? After the initial passion wears off, do most people just pretend to be happy and in love as the years go by? Do they stay together for appearances, or because they signed a piece of paper that said ‘until death do us part,’ and feel as if they have no other choice?”
    Bailey considered that for a moment. “I wish I had the answers, but I don’t because I’m still single. All I have to go on is my parents, and they seem pretty happy— genuinely happy. I can tell by the way they look at each other sometimes. They share intimate, knowing looks and they still make each other laugh after all these years. I’m pretty sure it’s the real thing.”
    “You’re lucky,” I replied. “My parents got on each other’s nerves constantly and divorced when I was fourteen, so I don’t really have much of an example to go by.”
    Bailey sipped her wine. “For what it’s worth, I do think it’s possible to find your soulmate and be happy together, forever.”
    I let out a sigh. “Maybe, in rare cases. And to tell you the truth, I would have been perfectly happy growing old with Mark if he’d been willing to stick it out and start a family. I’m sure he would have been a wonderful father. He would have taken our kids to the playground and taught our son how to throw a baseball. And he had such a great sense of humor. The family dinner table would have been lots of fun.”
    Bailey’s eyebrows pulled together with a look of sympathy. “But he cheated on you, Katelyn, and he lied to you, so I think you need to stop idealizing him as your dream husband. That’s just a fantasy because he probably wouldn’t even have made it home for dinner most nights. He would have called to say he was going to be late.”
    I lowered my gaze and nodded. “You’re right. I’m dreaming. He saw something shinier and younger and he broke our marriage vows to go after it. And I hate him for that—honestly, I do—and feeling that way is killing me because I did love him. Maybe I’m crazy, but in a way, I still do and part of me wants him back. I loved our life together. If only he could have loved me as much as I loved him, and wanted the same things.”
    I paused a moment and felt my throat close up again.
    “But was it Mark that you loved?” Bailey asked. “Or was it the idea of married life?”
    I buried my face in my hands and groaned with frustration.