The case of the missing books Read Free

town of Tumdrum on that cold December afternoon, and who found his way eventually to the Tumdrum and District Council offices, after having had to ask directions half a dozen times, and who was finally being ushered in, old brown suitcase in hand, to see Linda Wei, Deputy Head of Entertainment, Leisure and Community Services, to sort out the apparent misunderstanding.
    'Ah! Mr Armstrong' said Linda Wei, who looked as though she might have been quite at home on the Larne-Stranraer ferry–she was a big Chinese lady wearing little glasses and with a tub of Pringles open on her desk, and a litre bottle of Coke, half its contents already drained; you wouldn't have blinked if you'd seen Linda behind the wheel of an articulated lorry, honking on her horn while offering a one-fingered salute.
    'We meet at last,' she said; they had previously spoken on the phone. 'Come on in, come on in,' she motioned to him, rather over-animatedly, and then again, for good measure, because Israel already was in, 'Come in, come in, come in!' She gave a small Cola burp and extended a sweaty, ready-salted hand. 'Lovely to meet you. Lovely. Lovely. Good journey?'
    Israel shrugged his shoulders. What could he say?
    'Now, I am sorry there was nobody to meet you at the ferry terminal this morning…'
    'Yes,' he said.
    'You were late, you see.'
    There was an awkward silence.
    'But. Never matter. You're here now, aren't you. Now. Tea? Coffee? It'll be from the machine, I'm afraid.'
    'No, thanks.'
    'Erm? Crisp?'
    'No. Thanks.'
    'They're Pringles.'
    'No. Thank you.'
    'I missed breakfast,' said Linda.
    'Right.'
    'Sure I can't tempt you?'
    'Absolutely sure. Thanks anyway.' This was not a moment for Pringles.
    'Well. OK. So. You're here.'
    'Yes.
    'And you've been to the library?'
    'Yes.'
    'Ah. Then you'll be aware that—'
    'It's shut,' Israel said, surprised to hear a slight hysterical edge to his voice. 'The library. Is shut.'
    'Yeeees,' she said, drawing out the 'yes' as though stretching a balloon. 'Yes, Mr Armstrong. There's been a wee change of plan.'
    Linda paused for a crisp and rearranged herself more authoritatively in her padded black-leather-effect swivel-seat.
    'So. You probably want to know what's happened?'
    Israel raised an eyebrow.
    'Yes. Now. Let me explain. Since your appointment as the new Tumdrum and District branch librarian I'm afraid there's been a little bit of a resource allocation. And the library—'
    'Has been shut.' Israel tried to control the quavering in his voice.
    'Temporarily,' said Linda, raising–almost wagging–a finger.
    'I see. So you no longer need my—' began Israel.
    'No! No, no! No! Not at all, not at all!' Linda licked some crisp crumbs from her lips. 'No! You are essential, in fact, to the…planned resource allocation. We are absolutely delighted to have attracted someone of your calibre, Mr Armstrong. Delighted.'
    'But there's no library for me to work in.'
    'Not exactly.'
    'Not exactly?'
    'That's right. You see, it's not a cutback in our funding, or anything like that we're talking about–no, no, no! It's more a re-targeting of our resources. Do you see?'
    Well, to be honest, no, at that moment, Israel did not see.
    'No. Sorry. You've lost me.'
    'Well, yes, of course. You've had a long journey. London, was it?'
    'That's right. Ten hours on the coach, eight hours on the—'
    'I've a sister in London,' interrupted Linda.
    'Oh.'
    'Southfields? Would you know it at all?'
    'No. I'm afraid not.'
    'She's a project manager. For–what are they called? Something beginning with D?' She struggled for the answer. 'The mobile phone mast people?'
    'No. Sorry. I haven't come across them.' Israel was not interested in Linda Wei's sister who lived in Southfields and who worked for a mobile telephone mast company which began with D. 'And getting back to the library?'
    'Yes. Erm. The library. Well, first of all I want to assure you that we at Tumdrum and District Council are absolutely committed to continuing the public's free