you’ll be navigating wrought-iron fences, duck-shaped hedges, and koi ponds instead of ringing doorbells. Aim for the new neighborhood with little kids and the all-important densely packed homes.
2. Dress for success. Trick-or-treating is a race against the clock, so set yourself up for success by wearing running shoes and avoiding masks that hurt your visibility. No ballet slippers, high heels, or sandals. No robes, capes, or togas. And none of those cheap plastic masks from the dollar store that attach with a thin elastic and a couple of staples. Basically, keep simplifying your costume and timing yourself running up and down the basement stairs until you’ve found a winner. If in doubt, go as Carl Lewis.
3. Partner up. It will be tempting to form a trick-or-treating posse and move from door to door as one big, shifty amoeba of fluorescent tape and face paint. Resist that temptation. The amoeba will cause two problems: First, the group will travel at the speed of the slowest member. That means one kid with flat feet and asthma ruins everyone’s night. Second, a big group triggers the rationing instinct in the people handing out candy. They become overwhelmed and default to the “One for you, one for you ” candy-for-everyone technique. You don’t want that. So instead, you need to pick one partner. Qualifications for that lucky someone include a low resting heart rate, winning smile, and really cute costume. The last one is key. The costume should trigger the “Aren’t you adorable!” reflex that inspires extra candy. Gold standard here is a fit toddler in a ladybug costume with new Reeboks.
4. Timing is everything. The last rule is all about the three key stages of Halloween candy collecting. Times may vary depending where you’re from, but they go something like this:
• The 4-6 p.m. Start Up: You must be very active and running around here before the street gets too busy. This is your time to hit houses at the peak of their inventory levels, when people may hand out more because of excess supply or poor foresight.
• The 6-7 p.m. Rest Up: Streets are at their busiest. Don’t get caught in other people’s amoebas. Now’s the time to go home and dump out the pillowcase and refresh the face paint. Also, it’s a good time to hit your local fast food joints. McDonald’s is usually pretty generous.
• The 7-9 p.m. Clean Up: Now it’s all about picking up the scraps. Some houses will be left with too much candy and people will start giving handfuls instead of fingerfuls. Others will feel guilty about running low and start handing out creative treats from their kitchen, like pudding cups or boxes of Jell-O powder. The Clean Up stage is a real test of your cardio-fitness level, as many houses will have their lights turned out by now, forcing you to zigzag the street in search of the remaining bounty.
Now that you’ve got a game plan, just remember to keep it clean out there. Under cover of night and camouflage face paint some folks venture into the murky trick-or-treating ethical gray zone. Stay away from these folks, because while they’re telling people that today’s their birthday too, collecting a second bag for a “sick sibling at home,” or body-checking toddlers into bushes on their way up the walk, you can rest knowing that you came out to play by the rules.
And you won.
AWESOME!
Seeing a cop on the side of the road and realizing you’re going the speed limit anyway
Stress level goes up.
Stress level goes down.
AWESOME!
Illegal naps
You know what’s even better than lying on a hammock in the backyard on a sunny Saturday afternoon? Better than catching a few winks after classes before a long night out at the bars? Better than falling asleep on the couch with the baseball game on the radio? You know what’s even better than all that?
I’ll tell you what: illegal naps , my friend. Sneaking them in when you ain’t supposed to.
Napping any time you know you shouldn’t be napping
2. Dress for success. Trick-or-treating is a race against the clock, so set yourself up for success by wearing running shoes and avoiding masks that hurt your visibility. No ballet slippers, high heels, or sandals. No robes, capes, or togas. And none of those cheap plastic masks from the dollar store that attach with a thin elastic and a couple of staples. Basically, keep simplifying your costume and timing yourself running up and down the basement stairs until you’ve found a winner. If in doubt, go as Carl Lewis.
3. Partner up. It will be tempting to form a trick-or-treating posse and move from door to door as one big, shifty amoeba of fluorescent tape and face paint. Resist that temptation. The amoeba will cause two problems: First, the group will travel at the speed of the slowest member. That means one kid with flat feet and asthma ruins everyone’s night. Second, a big group triggers the rationing instinct in the people handing out candy. They become overwhelmed and default to the “One for you, one for you ” candy-for-everyone technique. You don’t want that. So instead, you need to pick one partner. Qualifications for that lucky someone include a low resting heart rate, winning smile, and really cute costume. The last one is key. The costume should trigger the “Aren’t you adorable!” reflex that inspires extra candy. Gold standard here is a fit toddler in a ladybug costume with new Reeboks.
4. Timing is everything. The last rule is all about the three key stages of Halloween candy collecting. Times may vary depending where you’re from, but they go something like this:
• The 4-6 p.m. Start Up: You must be very active and running around here before the street gets too busy. This is your time to hit houses at the peak of their inventory levels, when people may hand out more because of excess supply or poor foresight.
• The 6-7 p.m. Rest Up: Streets are at their busiest. Don’t get caught in other people’s amoebas. Now’s the time to go home and dump out the pillowcase and refresh the face paint. Also, it’s a good time to hit your local fast food joints. McDonald’s is usually pretty generous.
• The 7-9 p.m. Clean Up: Now it’s all about picking up the scraps. Some houses will be left with too much candy and people will start giving handfuls instead of fingerfuls. Others will feel guilty about running low and start handing out creative treats from their kitchen, like pudding cups or boxes of Jell-O powder. The Clean Up stage is a real test of your cardio-fitness level, as many houses will have their lights turned out by now, forcing you to zigzag the street in search of the remaining bounty.
Now that you’ve got a game plan, just remember to keep it clean out there. Under cover of night and camouflage face paint some folks venture into the murky trick-or-treating ethical gray zone. Stay away from these folks, because while they’re telling people that today’s their birthday too, collecting a second bag for a “sick sibling at home,” or body-checking toddlers into bushes on their way up the walk, you can rest knowing that you came out to play by the rules.
And you won.
AWESOME!
Seeing a cop on the side of the road and realizing you’re going the speed limit anyway
Stress level goes up.
Stress level goes down.
AWESOME!
Illegal naps
You know what’s even better than lying on a hammock in the backyard on a sunny Saturday afternoon? Better than catching a few winks after classes before a long night out at the bars? Better than falling asleep on the couch with the baseball game on the radio? You know what’s even better than all that?
I’ll tell you what: illegal naps , my friend. Sneaking them in when you ain’t supposed to.
Napping any time you know you shouldn’t be napping
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