Eats to Die For! Read Free

starting to salivate as I pulled into the parking lot of my usual Burger Heaven.
    Did I always ? I suddenly wondered. Or had Louie planted her suspicions in my brain to the point that I was reacting to them?
    Once inside I got in the line, which was quite long, even though it was a little past traditional lunchtime, and when I got to Amber, the young blonde clerk who usually takes my order, I got a special wink.
    â€œWell, hi there, Mr. Beauchamp,” she said. “You’re early today. The usual?”
    â€œYou know, Amber, I’m feeling adventurous today, so I think I’ll try…um…oh, heck. Yeah, the usual.”
    It wasn’t that I wasn’t adventurous, it’s just that I knew exactly what I would be getting in the Twin Halo combo and didn’t want to risk having something I might not like as much.
    Amber gave me a look that perhaps wasn’t intended to communicate that I was a pathetic, pattie-whipped dork, but a little of that came across. Someday I’d march right in her and order a Twin Halo with bacon, and then I’d show her!
    But not today.
    Burger Heaven prides itself on the speed of its service, and watching the workers behind the counter move, I’m always reminded of a silent comedy projected at the wrong speed, which makes everyone move abnormally fast. These folks really double-timed it to get the food to you as quickly as possible, and while I was always happy to be a customer, I was glad I didn’t have to work here.
    Your clients wish you did, though , Robert Mitchum said in my head, but I didn’t care, because my combo tray was just about to be slid over the counter.
    The feel of the hot hamburger through the paper wrap is part of the Burger Heaven experience, and I always take an extra second to hold it before tearing into it. The french fries here are always hot as well, unlike some other chains where they’re allowed to become a little clammy. One of BH’s carefully guarded trade secrets is how they keep the fries so hot without dumping them under a heat lamp.
    I had just popped the last bite of my burger into my mouth when I remembered that the reason I had come here was to try and leave with a chunk of uneaten hamburger. Dang. I could always order another, but I wasn’t hungry enough for another. Well, I guess it means I’ll just have to come back again sometime. Now that I have a little cash in the bank, from my last case, I might find myself eating out more often.
    Carole Lombard commented on that one, but I won’t repeat it.
    On the way out I was, as I always am, treated to a friendly “Have a Heavenly day” by the smiling security guard at the door. For all her dimples, legs and journalistic zeal, Louie Sandoval must be misguided; no place this friendly and cheerful could be engaged in shady activity.
    Given that this particular Burger Heaven was within a few blocks of my apartment, it would have made sense for me to simply go on home, but I had left the lights on in my office, and it was only the middle of the afternoon anyway.
    Even though I no longer had to worry about the DWP turning my lights off for me (at least for the next three or four months) there was no sense being wasteful, even if gas was perilously close to three bucks a gallon again, and the drive back to Sherman Oaks would probably drink up a half-dollar, minimum.
    Three dollars…a GALLON ? the voice of Jack Benny cried inside my head. My CAR didn’t cost that much !
    Yeah, well, times change, Jack.
    When I drove back past the ingredient parade in front of the newly-opened Burger Heaven, I noticed that Louie was no longer there. Maybe she was in the bathroom. Even tomatoes have to squeeze out a little juice now and then.
    I was sure after I’d closed up shop and was headed back home I would see her again, on the sidewalk gleefully shilling in customers alongside someone who had played Hamlet at their college to rave reviews, but was now