The Absolutely True Story of Us Read Free Page A

me?
    I crack my knuckles, and then I start to type.
    The book begins to form before my eyes. I call it Mergers & Acquisitions , because I'm being terribly clever. Boy meets girl, boy and girl are competing for the same job, claws out, sex - and eventually love - ensues. It's pretty standard stuff, but the hook gives it more depth. More character.
    Fake character. But character all the same.
    As I write, I let pieces of my personality seep into the main character-slash-author. I am Lana DeVane, and Lana is me. The hero, Damien, is everything I know the reading public wants. Dominant, demanding, arrogant. Sexy and loyal as hell. Smart and sarcastic and successful. By the end, I'm practically in love with him. Too bad guys like that don't seem to exist. Particularly the "loyal" part.
    Anyway, readers love it. Just as I thought, they love him even more than I do. Sometimes my predictions actually come true.
    Of course, I didn't predict that within two months of publishing the book, I'd have the opportunity to be interviewed for an online news segment about successful romance author-entrepreneurs. One I couldn't pass up. I don't use my real name, but I have no choice but to use my real face.
    And they want to meet the guy.
    Well, it's only natural.  
    Jack is the first person I ask, of course. He laughs in my face and tells me he's not getting mixed up in my drama. Sometimes that guy is just too damn smart.
    That only leaves one option, really.  
    Dean.
    Ugh.
    We're still on civil terms, more or less, in spite of everything. And he'll probably feel obligated enough to say yes. We've got a history. We can fake the chemistry easily enough.
    Harmless, right?
    Of course, I also don't predict that one of my sisters will stumble across the video and discover my secret identity. And that my whole family is going to read the damn book and completely lose their minds, wanting to get to know this amazing, romantic specimen of a man.  
    They've met Dean at a few holiday get-togethers, but they always seemed to have trouble remembering his name. As a middle child among six siblings, it's easy to overlook me. And I've never really minded it - at least, that's what I tell myself.
    The interview was a cakewalk. I booked us a few author appearances and book signings for next year, making sure he could get the time off work. Pfft. No big deal. We'll just keep playing this game until people forget about my book, or I publish a new one, whichever comes sooner. Putting on a show for the reading public is easy.
    Putting on a show for my family? Well. That's a horse of a different color.
    ***
    Six months after that fateful day in the theater, I'm suppressing the urge to kick myself. Hard.
    Under the table, because otherwise my parents might notice.
    My dad is one of those guys who always looks like a doctor. It doesn't matter what he's wearing, you can't help but picture him in a white coat and a stethoscope. My mom slightly less so, but that's mostly because of the celebratory nose stud she got after my baby sister was born. They're actually both doctors; my dad specializes in internal medicine, and my mom specializes in podiatry. They both specialize in a total inability to seem interested in my life.
    "It's so nice to see you again," my mom says to Dean for the third time. "Now, I'm sorry, you'll have to remind me - what line of work did you say you're in?"
    "Murders and executions, mostly," I mutter under my breath. But apparently my mother hasn't started losing her hearing yet.  
    "What's that, honey?" she asks mildly, poking at her plain steamed fillet of fish.  
    I shake my head, immediately regretting it. "Nothing, Mom. Just a joke."
    "I want to know the joke!" She takes a sip of her wine.  
    "It's from a movie," says Dean helpfully. " American Psycho ."
    "Oh," my mom intones. "What's that about?"
    "A successful businessman who's also a serial killer," I tell her.  
    "Oh no! That's terrible." She tsks, taking another suspicious look at