Texts from Jane Eyre Read Free Page A

get your white shawl
     which white Shawl 
     whichever one you want 
     I want the one in the library 
     okay
  will you come inside then?
     Toads can die of light you know 
     I believe you 
     Kills them right up 

     Emily
Emily, dearest
will you please let me in?
  I just want to air out your room
     Air has no Residence
 no Neighbor
     Emily, it’s been an awfully long time since you came out
  can I please come in?
     not — Now – 
     When can I come in? 
     After a hundred years 
     Emily
  will you give me a real amount of time, please?
     After all Birds have been investigated and laid aside 
     do you have birds in there? 
     After the Sun comes out 
     Emily
  answer the question
     At Half past Three 
     how many birds are in there 
     A single Bird 
     this is why people don’t visit us
  the bird thing
     Back from the cordial Grave I dragged him 
     is the bird still alive, Emily? 
     do you know what the Best witchcraft is? 
     Emily 
     Geometry 
     just tell me if the bird is still alive 
     COCOONS ABOVE
 COCOONS BELOW
     I’m coming in 
     COCOONS 

Oliver Twist
     please madam
it being Christmas and all
might I
if you would not object
might I be allowed to eat the cheese the rats have
 left behind in the traps?
     the rat-cheese?
you impertinent boy
that’s the most important cheese of all
and later tonight
for asking the matron a question on a Sunday
  I shall have you soundly killed
     I understand 
     after you are killed I shall expect you to scrub the stairs 
     yes ma’am 
     then you shall clean out the grease-pans and report back
to Chumsley Fezzlethroat
  and he shall kill you again before bed
     does this mean i shan’t have to sweep out the chimneys
 with my own hair tonight ma’am
     how dare you ask such a question
you dreadful, grimy boy
of course your head will be used to sweep out the chimneys
  now go stand out in the rain until you have melted
     yes ma’am 
     and no supper until you are thirty-five 
     yes ma’am 
     and after that the sixth-form boys will seize you about the ankles
and dip you into the electric loom at the mill
  until you are torn to shreds
     yes ma’am 
     then the shreds will be sent to work for a family of twelve
in Coventry
the family lives in an old boot
and you shall have to keep the boot spotlessly clean
and if I hear that any of your shreds have displeased
the household I shall ride a sledge of furious dogs
into your bedroom and read the book of Lamentations
aloud until you have been eaten alive
  by the furious dogs
     yes ma’am 
     Merry Christmas to you, then
  run along, you little scamp
     Merry Christmas, matron 
     I spoil you, you know
I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it
  my heart’s too easily touched
     yes ma’am
 thank you ma’am

Lord Byron
     uuuuuugghhhh my life 
     what is it?
  what’s wrong?
     uuuuuuuugh 
     is there something specific that’s the matter?
  or anything I can do to help?
     uuuugh
 my liiiiife
     do you want me to come over? 
     uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughghghghhhhh 

     oh my god 
     what 
     this guy
this publisher guy
is asking me about my favorite canto in Child Harolde
that’s like asking someone to pick who’s hotter
his half-sister or his cousins
 it’s literally impossible

     hey
do you think we could just stay in tonight maybe
i’m so wiped out from last night
we could just stay in
get in our jammies and not see anyone
 maybe build a fire
     oh wow
  really?
     hahaha i’m kidding
there’s already a sex pigeon in your room
 i’m coming over in five minutes
     oh 
     by the way
do you have that cream from before
the anti chafing cream
we’re going to need a lot of it
 to prevent chafing
     oh okay 
     choirboys chafe easy imho 

     uuuuuuuughhh
 nothing’s any good
     what’s the matter 
     EVERYTHING
 do you realize i’m never going to be able to have sex with the rain
     i didn’t