Storky Read Free

anything. If I played football, he’d probably sit in the bleachers every Friday wearing the school colors and tooting a giant horn.
    In the middle of dinner, right when Dad had a piece of carne asada in his chopsticks, I go, “Mom stayed out all night with my dentist.” I wanted to shock him. But he didn’t even drop the meat. He just goes, “Oh, good for her.”
    No big deal to him, I guess. He’s always got a bimbo delight. And Amanda says he had tons of affairs when he was married. She won’t even talk to him anymore. Mostly because the marriage breaker was Amanda’s assistant gymnastics coach.
    If Amanda ever showed up on Sunday nights, Dad would ask her where she wanted to go. If I was popular like her, I bet he’d ask me once in a while. Maybe Dad would be all proud of me, and say, Hey, you pick the restaurant this time, and remind me to buy you a car next year so you can drive to all those parties you keep getting invited to and take your girlfriend Gina out for steak and french fries. He might call them pommes frites , but I’d forgive him.

Monday, September 13
    Wow! A girl actually talked to me today. Not Gina, but still. A 10th grader!
    I was walking out of Spanish class when it happened. This girl, Sydney Holland, goes, “Did you understand what Ms. Padilla was saying? Because I only got like half of it.” And I said, “That’s twice as much as I got.”
    It’s bad enough Ms. Padilla won’t use English on us, but she speaks Spanish like an auctioneer on speed. Half the time I’m sitting in a daze, hoping she didn’t just say something like, Anyone who doesn’t understand me will automatically fail my class.
    So in the hallway Sydney Holland and I compared notes. She seems smart and very nice. Plus she has big round breasts.

Wednesday, September 15
    I finally made a friend today. Nate Karnowski. I was sitting by myself in the crapeteria, and this other guy sat down diagonal to me and started reading Waiting for Godot . Encouraged Reading book. I figured I could either spend another lunch period staring at my tray and wishing Brian was here, or I could try to talk.
    It took me 3 minutes to come up with something to say. Finally I go, “You like the book?” He smirked at me. So then I said, “I read it last month, just came out of the coma.”
    The smirk turned into mega-smirk and he passed the book across the table to me. Taped inside some of the pages were these playing cards with naked ladies on them. Totally naked. Except some had on necklaces or boas or hats. One wore a gold belt. Just the belt.
    I smirked right back at him and said, “Great book. Where’d you get that stuff?” And he says, “Reno. My dad bought them.” His dad. Cool. Which is what I said. “Cool.” And he shrugged like it was no big deal and stuck out his hand to shake and goes, “Nate Karnowski, I’m in Honors English with you.”
    So we’re friends now. He’s into football too. Watching, not playing. I’m pretty sure he’s a couch potato like me. We might go to the game together next week. I’d like to see the Hunk fumble the ball and lose the game, or at least get knocked on his ass real hard.

Saturday, September 18
    I think everyone on the planet went on a date tonight except me. Amanda and her best friend Bulimic Michele are out with these twins who are supposedly the hottest straight guys in the whole school.
    Doctor Vermin took Mom out again. I swear he smells like dental office even in our house. First thing he does is rough up my hair. Second thing he does is call me Mikey. Third thing he does is ask How’s school. Lost 3 points right there, all in a row.
    Mom wore a new green pantsuit that made her look like a stalk of celery. Verm had this expression on his face. If he was a dog, he’d be panting and wagging his tail. Actually, if he was a dog, he’d be one of those smelly fat ones that always lies on the chair you wanted to sit on.
    I headed toward my room. “You’ll be okay?” Mom asked.