door as hard as I can to open it. It's stuck. I attempt the knob and struggle to work it open with my hip. Nothing happens.
“ Sarah…the door…it’s stuck. I can’t get back in. Oh…please wake up,” I scream crying harder.
I know she’s lying in the room needing help and the door is jammed. I feel helpless, like I’m not the best friend I should be. I fall to the floor and continue to cry.
“ Sarah…Sarah…Sarah,” I yell repeatedly as tears roll down my cheek.
****
“Honey…Amber…wake up! You’re having a bad dream,” Landon says shaking me.
My heart s racing as I sit up and scream Sarah’s name. Landon pulls me close, and holds me tight. After a few minutes I realize what’s going on. I remember my mom gave me the bad news. I miss her. I want to talk to Sarah so bad that it hurts.
“ If it will make you feel better to cry, baby, you can cry. I’m here,” Landon says caringly.
“ I wish I could’ve talked to her one more time.” I sit and wonder why she did this to herself. Did she do it because I moved? Was she in trouble?
Landon interrupts my thoughts. “It sounds like she was using drugs. I don’t want to sound too harsh, but when people are addicted to pills…”
“ She wasn’t stupid like that!” I yell, defending Sarah.
“ Sweetie, it’s been how long since you two actually saw each other?”
“ I know, but Landon you didn’t know her.”
We sit on the bed talking for the next few hours. Landon notices the time as he sits up, “I’ll stay awake. I don’t want you doing something stupid. I want to make sure you don’t hurt yourself again.”
When sun rises and shines through our sheer curtain, I feel Landon carefully climb out of bed. I guess he thinks I’m asleep. I can hear him breathing, so I roll over. I see him standing beside the bed with something in his hand. My eyes clear as I realize it's my razor. I completely forgot it was in my pocket.
“ What are you doing with that?” I ask playing dumb.
“ I found it in bed. How did it get into our bed?” he asks.
“ After I finished cleaning up, I slid it into my pocket. I don’t know why. I must have forgotten to take it out last night when we laid down.”
“ What're you planning on doing with it?”
“ Nothing.”
“ Well, if you’re not planning on doing anything with it, you won’t mind if I get rid of it; do you?”
I don’t want to start anymore problems. I really wish I would've remembered to take it out of my pocket. I want it back, but if I tell him the truth it'd cause more problems.
“ Take it. I don’t care. I don’t want it anymore. After last night, I most certainly won't cut again.”
“ I really hope you’re right,” he says crossing his arms.
I notice a hint of unhappiness in his eyes as he le aves the room. After seeing the hurt this caused him, I want to get rid of the darkness forever. I don’t want to lose the person in my life who makes me happy.
I should get up. The lack of sleep never essentially bothered me . Sleeping is a waste of time. I can get more done in a day if I don’t bother to sleep. As I go to the kitchen, flashbacks of fun times I shared with Sarah take over my mind.
As I watch the visions, I realize I don’t remember the last time I talked to Sarah. No matter how hard I try to remember, I can’t. Was our last conversation a pleasant one? My gut is telling me it’s not something I can be proud of. I can’t be completely sure. I make a fresh pot of coffee and get the paper.
I nstead of thinking about Sarah and depressing myself more, I make Landon breakfast. Bacon and eggs sound good. The coffee is the topping to his morning. The only thing I’m lacking is energy. I have so many things I need to do today; maybe the coffee is for both of us. As I put breakfast on the table, Landon comes into the kitchen.
“ Feeling better now?” I ask.
“ I didn’t sleep last night, so it’s going to be a really long day.
Lee Strauss, Elle Strauss