Side Effects Read Free

right? So tell me what you’re thinking.”
    There’s a part of me that wants to spill my guts to him. Lay it all out in big, bold letters and skywriting and all that other shit. But when I look back and see Zak’s face, all I see is pity. The same pity my mom’s friends give me when they pass me in the supermarket. The same look the guidance counselor shoots me when I say college isn’t even on my radar. The exact expression Whitney’s psychiatrist flashes me when I pick up my sister from an appointment. They think I’m a total screwup just like Sam does. And they’re right.
    â€œI thought I said to leave me alone.” My voice sounds like sandpaper. I wait for Zak to argue. Instead I feel the seesaw drop and I hold on to the bar for dear life as the seat hits the dirt and I almost bounce off it. When I look up, he’s already walking away. “Wait, what the ?”
    Zak turns around. The look he gives me this time is anything but pitiful. It’s angry. “You’re acting like a total bitch, Lexi, and you know what? I’m finally over it.” He disappears down the path, sidestepping two kids racing by on scooters.
    I stare at his retreating frame. I should scream. Shout. Run in front of Zak and stop him with my own hands. But I don’t. This time, I’ve gone too far and I’m too ashamed to do anything about it. “God, I am a bitch,” I mumble.
    I don’t know how long I sit there hating myself before I get off the seesaw, grab the compact that dropped again, and head back to the car. Keith, Whitney, and Sam are already there. I glance quickly in the car and see Jason talking quietly with Zak in the backseat. He doesn’t look up.
    â€œSo what did you find out?” Whitney asks Keith.
    â€œThe coach says there was a man fitting Dad’s description here a few months back.” Keith stares at the photo of Mom and Dad’s anniversary. “He was just sitting in the bleachers during a downpour.” Keith shakes his head. “The coach says it might have been Dad.”
    â€œReally?” Sam sounds so excited, my heart might split into two.
    Bitchy Lexi would take this moment to shoot Sam down so that’s exactly what I don’t do. “Did he see which way this guy went?”
    Keith looks hopefully at me. “His best guess was downRoute Ten. Thirty-three was closed because of a mudslide.”
    â€œExcellent!” Sam jumps up and down. “You said Route Ten was where we used to camp, right?” Whitney nods. “Then let’s go!”
    â€œAll right then. You heard, Sam. Let’s load up the car and go!” Keith puts his hands on Sam’s shoulders and steers him back toward the car.
    Whitney and I just stand there and watch until Sam is tucked inside.
    â€œDo you really think it was Dad?” she asks me, her brown eyes big and wide and way too innocent for this conversation.
    I glance at Zak again, wishing he would look up so I could smile at him. Then maybe he’d smile back and things would be right again. As right as they ever could be when all we do is bicker.
    I choose my words carefully. “Statistically, it’s probably not Dad.” Whitney’s face falls. “But . . . I’m going to be more optimistic from here on out, so yes. It was definitely Dad.”
    Her face breaks into a wide grin. The grin I’m still hoping Zak will flash me when we get into the car. The one I hope Sam will give me again when I prove to him that I’m a sister worth having. When I show Keith I’m not a total screwup. When I prove to Jason I’m a twin he can be happy to have. A smile from Whitney is a good start.
    I slide into the empty passenger seat next to Keith and listen to the engine rev to life again. “Let’s go,” I say and we’re off.

13// KEITH
    When we pull up to Emmet State Park, I breathe a huge sigh of relief.
    At least something in our