Short Back and Sides Read Free

law to beat your wife in Ireland?
    Barber 2 (and some customers): Yes, of course it is!
    Barber 1 : Oh.
    He just went back to cutting his customer’s hair. Priceless!
Jet lag
    11 April 2009
    Customer (a barman from Temple Bar): I had a crowd of English lads in a few weeks ago, and they were asking me what the time difference was.
    Barber: What did they mean?
    Customer: Well, it turns out they wanted to know what the time difference between England and Ireland was, because they saw a clock on O’Connell Street that was an hour behind! What do they teach those lads in school?

    Barber: They never seem to put the clocks back in town when the hour changes, so for six months they’re an hour behind!
Che Shay
    12 April 2009
    Talking to a customer about the film Che , the biopic about Che Guevara.
    Customer: Che Guevara was of Irish descent. His mother was Irish. Did you know?
    Barber: There are Irish everywhere, but I never heard that.
    Customer: They only called him Che like a nickname. Sure wasn’t he christened Seamus!
    Barber: Seamus Guevara—I like it.
Atten?
    14 April 2009
    A woman who worked in the shop with us for a few years was always going on holidays. She did this so often that I used to tell customers that she was moonlighting as a flight attendant. One day a customer asked where she was, while getting his hair cut . . .
    Customer: So where’s Sheila today?
    Barber: Oh, she’s in at ten.
    Customer: Atten? Where’s that?
    Barber: No, no, she’s not in until ten!
Yoko
    16 April 2009
    A customer I knew well was in for a haircut, and during the conversation I asked him where a mutual friend had been, as I hadn’t seen him for a long time.
    Both of the lads were in a band together for many years, and I’d been cutting their hair for a long time.
    Barber: So where’s Alan these days? It’s been a while since he’s been in.
    Customer: I haven’t seen him for a few weeks either. He’s got a new girlfriend. Seems serious too. We call her Yoko.
    Barber: Yoko? Why do you call her Yoko?
    Customer: She broke up the band.
Financial crisis
    18 April 2009
    After the bank crash in September 2008 a customer remarked wittily: ‘When the tide goes out you can see whose trousers are down.’
At the races
    19 April 2009
    Customer: A group of builders and developers who were at the Galway Races were overheard playing ‘Who Used to Be a Millionaire?’
More financial crisis remarks
    20 April 2009
    A customer told me during a chat about the state of all things financial that ‘unfortunately, most of the builders and bankers weren’t in the tomorrow business.’
Fake tan
    21 April 2009
    I had a Spanish student in for a haircut recently. He’d only been here a few days. When we were talking about his initial impressions of Ireland he asked me why so many of the women have orange skin!
Bank policy
    22 April 2009
    Customer: The banks will give you an umbrella when the weather is good and take it back when it rains!
Exam weather
    23 April 2009
    Customer: Well, it’s that time of year again, and as usual the weather is great! How is it that every year the sun comes out just before the Junior Cert and Leaving?
    Barber: You could put money on the sun coming out this time every year!
    Customer: Enjoy it while it lasts. I’m off to get some stuff for the barbecue before it’s all sold out. See you in a few weeks!
Courtmacsherry
    24 April 2009
    A customer who was on holiday in Co. Cork was given a bumper sticker to advertise the area where he was staying. It read ‘Courtmacsherry—a quiet drinking village with a fishing problem.’
The sweetest revenge
    26 April 2009
    There are times in the barber shop when someone will impart a pearl of wisdom born of their life’s experience. One customer told me in no uncertain terms that ‘if another man ever tries to run away with your wife or girlfriend the best revenge you can get is to let