Seven Seasons of Buffy: Science Fiction and Fantasy Authors Discuss Their Favorite Television Show (Smart Pop series) Read Free Page A

is a much-prized survival skill.
    On the down side (or up side, for Team Evil) Xander was also cursed (blessed) with a fashion sense that could only be described as horrifyingly sadistic. 9 He also displayed an encouraging streak of stupidity in those early days, not to mention preoccupation with several of the 7 Deadly Sins TM .
    However, in addition to saving the Slayer’s life during the Harvest, 10 he also was the first of her companions to stake a vampire. He continued this irritating and heroic trend by saving the also much-loathed Rupert “Ripper” Giles during a school talent show, and decapitating a poor, defenseless demon. (School functions on the Hellmouth: always exciting.)
    Oh, yes, he—and only he—revived the Slayer from her first death at the hands of the Master 11 , which was obviously an enormous setback for the Forces of Evil (please refer to my extra-credit assignment, “Fourteen Better Ways to Kill the Slayer,” for some thoughts on how we might avoid this embarrassing problem next time).
     
    FIRST YEAR SCORE :
Unassisted saveage of the Slayer: 1
Assisted saveage of the Slayer: 4
Saveage of other “Scoobies”: 3
    THE SECOND YEAR
    “Well, at least I’m the lameness who cares, which is more than I can say about you.”
    None of Xander’s accomplishments would have been overly upsetting to our glorious and brilliant plans for sowing bloody discord, vengeance, and evil, but unfortunately he showed no signs of veering from his right-minded course. In fact, during the Slayer’s absence, her Scooby Gang 12 apparently not only survived the summer’s supernatural visitations, but thrived and—indeed—managed to save some innocent lives. Well, one. And mostly by accident. But still. (Curse upon them.)
    By saving the increasingly good and ever-annoying CORDELIA CHASE from her proper doom at the hands of fellow evil high-school students—more than once—Xander paved the way for the current troubles with our Los Angeles branch office of Wolfram & Hart.
    During Spike’s invasion of Sunnydale High, the Slayer would have been caught without a stake—and subsequently, extremely dead (possibly even permanently!)—but unfortunately Xander was able to toss her the weapon in the nick of time. Worse, he continued his unpleasant habit of saving others. “If you’re gonna kiss anybody, it should be me,” he is reported to have said to an Incan Mummy, which is nauseatingly heroic (in that the Incan Mummy was pretty well wrinkled at the time). He summoned Angel 13 to save the Slayer on at least three occasions during his second year as a Scooby.
    His infiltration of the Delta Zeta Kappa fraternity—and subsequent hazing—was instrumental in allowing the White Hats to destroy our most excellent and phallic brother Machita. (On the Evil side, however, the destruction of Machita did cause an economic downturn from which the country is, even now, still reeling. Yay.)
    The most credible evidence of Xander’s pivotal role as the M.P.I.F.F.G. is his transformation from nerdy high-school student to lethal soldier during Halloween of that year. 14 In fact, during his second year as a Scooby, he saved, saved, and saved again. Irritatingly often, in fact. Willow. . . Cordelia . . . Buffy. . . Willow. . . Buffy . . . all of Sunnydale . . . Buffy . . . Buffy . . . the Sunnydale Swim Team (what’s left of it) … Buffy … and, most irritatingly, Rupert Giles. Again.
    Most horribly, by procuring the rocket launcher that served as a technical end-run around our No Weapon Forged ironclad guarantee with The Judge, 15 he ruined our apocalypse. Again.
    Respectfully, Professor, I wonder if there was not someone asleep at the Evil Switch for our side, since this puny un-superpowered human has triumphed so often—and humiliatingly—over our Forces of Darkness. Perhaps an Inquisition might be in order. Something tasteful, with iron spikes.
     
    SECOND YEAR SCORE :
Unassisted saveage of the Slayer: 1
Assisted saveage of the