Sea Air Read Free

everything right?” asked Sandra.
    “Excuse me?”
    “I mean, what exactly are we doing?”
    Was Sandra waxing philosophic? “What do you mean?”
    “Just . . . we live here and work here and we raise our families, and the whole time the days are going by. Is that how it works? One day everything’s going along fine and the next day, we’re dead?”
    I had known Sandra for quite some time, but her questioning her sheltered life was something new. She was happy—or at least I’d always thought of her that way. She had a lovely child, a dreamy husband, and—like Christoph said—a beautiful cottage on the edge of the city, with a yard and delightful neighbors, including Paula and me. Now, if she’d been talking about me—a single mother living in a rental apartment with no yard, dealing with a failed day care center project, and badly in need of a vacation—then I could see the need for questioning. But she wasn’t.
    “Sandra, what’s going on?” I patted her knee. “Did something happen?”
    “Nothing’s happened. That’s just it! You have no problem with the way things are?”
    “Me? What about the way things are?”
    “I mean, what would you do right now if you were suddenly free? What if you had the money and the chance to do whatever you liked and be whoever you wanted?” She tilted her head at me.
    The question was a bit abrupt. Of course, I’d thought many times before about the countless things I’d rather be doing than sitting around here. But I had never allowed myself to truly dream. I was afraid of how much it would hurt when I woke up and the dream slipped away.
    “I’d probably travel and check out the world.”
    She nodded. “Exactly! You definitely wouldn’t stick around here, right?”
    “Here? No way.” This, at least, was something I felt clear about.
    “You see!”
    “What do you mean, you see? In my case, leaving would be totally understandable. But you? You’ve got it all! You’ve—”
    “I know what I’ve got.” She struck the table with one hand. Oh Jesus! I thought. She’s actually serious. “But maybe I want something else, too. Can’t I want something new every once in a while?”
    “Uh . . . of course.” What else could I say?
    It wasn’t that I didn’t get it. No one understood the urge to break free and start over better than I did. But hearing those words from Sandra’s mouth surprised me. It struck me that I didn’t know her as well as I thought.
    “I want to go back up north. I miss the sea so much!” Her voice was soft, and she spoke as much to herself as to me.
    Sandra had grown up on the North Sea coast, a real Nordic girl. Her studies brought her here, just as mine did. We met as students. Then Christoph came along, and then Sandra’s child . . . That’s how it goes. In a flash: trapped!
    “What does Christoph say about all this?”
    “He doesn’t know I feel this way, actually. At least, I haven’t told him in so many words. I don’t want to pressure him. His job’s here, his friends. It wouldn’t be fair to tell him I want something else.”
    “But you’re so unhappy! Doesn’t that count just as much?”
    She shrugged. “Maybe when Anneke grows up . . .”
    “Anneke is seven! She won’t be out of the house for another twelve years. By then, you’ll have died of homesickness.”
    “This is the life I chose.”
    “Just because you chose Christoph and decided to have a child doesn’t mean you have to stay here forever. I’d throw in the towel myself if I had the chance.”
    “Really? So what are you doing to get yourself out of here?”
    She had a point. Who was I to be giving her advice?
    Sandra glanced at the clock. “I’d better go get the girls, or it’ll be too late for swimming.”
    “Actually, I think I’ll join you. Hang on, I’ll get my stuff.”
    I was back in five minutes.
    “All right, let’s go.” Sandra gave me a rueful look. “At least there’s water at the pool.”
    Poor Sandra! I