Saving Room for Dessert Read Free

talk about the psych test. All I’m tellin’ you is, from Nowicki’s point of view, that you happen to be black with the
     best scores means down the road there ain’t gonna be any suits landin’ on his desk from pissed-off white guys who came in
     ahead of you on the tests, okay? ’Cause no white guys did. So that just makes his job easy. And believe me, there’s nothin’
     a boss likes better than an employee who makes that happen. So stop givin’ me that look.”
    “I’m not givin’ you any look, I’m just …”
    “Just what? C’mon, what? This I gotta hear.”
    “Okay,” Rayford said, rubbing his palms together, bopping his head. “What I’m tryin’ to do is teach myself not to care how
     things come out. I been workin’ on it for a while now. Like years and years. But it’s not easy, okay? It is definitely not
     easy. Thing is, I been through so many of these things, you know, and it’s such a got-damn comedown when it doesn’t happen?
     I’m really workin’ on tryin’ to keep myself separate from the result. Am I makin’ any sense?”
    “Yeah, you’re makin’ lotsa sense. But, you know, I’m havin’ a little trouble understandin’ why you’re havin’ so much trouble
     hookin’ up with any department. I don’t get around anywhere near as much as I used to, but still, I hear all the time about
     departments all over the place lookin’ for good apps.”
    “Yeah, right, me too. But my wife still got her momma. And every time I go through the drill, I mean, most of the time I know
     goin’ in I can’t take the job ’cause that got-damn woman won’t move and my wife, no matter what I say, she ain’t about to
     leave her.”
    “Well that’s what I was askin’ you earlier about movin’ here.”
    “I know. And I don’t know how I’m goin’ work it, but I’m goin’ work it somehow. ’Cause I told my wife, if they offer me this
     one, I’m takin’ it, I’m sick a this bullshit scufflin’ around from one lame-ass job to another. I’ve had to turn down six
     jobs, man, ’cause my wife wouldn’t move. So you’re right, man, no question, the jobs are out there. Went through the whole
     got-damn drill six times—well a lot more than that—I’m just talkin’ ’bout the times I actually got an offer and then I had
     to say no and tell ’em why. And that shit gets around, don’t think it don’t. Before this one here, the last three departments?
     Soon as I told him my name they said they weren’t takin’ any more apps. So I said, nooo, uh-uh, no more, man, they offer,
     I’m takin’, this is it!”
    “You must really love your wife.”
    “Huh? Hey, I ain’t pussy-whipped, man—”
    “Didn’t say anything about pussy. I said love.”
    “Yeah, okay, so you did. Well. I do. Sometimes I love her so much it … it pisses me off. I didn’t know love was supposed to
     be such a got-damn problem. I mean, that’s why I’m workin’ so hard at not givin’ a got-damn. ’Cause all the times I did good
     and I had to say no ’cause my wife wouldn’t move? That shit will break you down, man.
    “But it’s not just her. I mean everybody in this got-damn country, they’re always talkin’ this bullshit ’bout how you have
     to work hard, and if you do work hard, then you’re goin’ get the result, the job, the goal, the prize, the raise, whatever.
    “See, this martial arts teacher 1 had in Alabama, he’s the one started me thinkin’ about it, about how you have to separate
     yourself from the result of what you do. He used to drum it into me, every class I took from him. And for the longest time
     I didn’t know what the hell he was talkin’ about, thought he was crazy, tell you the truth. I mean I tried, ’cause I liked
     the dude, I really respected him, you know? He had his shit together. And he was old too. Sixty somethin’—”
    “Woo that’s old,” Balzic said, laughing.
    “Yeah, I know, I know, but I was eighteen when I met him. And sixty was