Saving Room for Dessert Read Free Page A

ancient to me then, you know? And I figured ’cause
     he was so old and so together, the man must know
somethin’
. So I tried, I mean I could get it in my mind, you know? I could intellectualize it—that’s what he said was the first trap.
     And that’s what I did for years and years, all I did was think about it, but I never really got past that, you know? Thinkin’
     about it? I could never really keep what I was doin’ separate from what I was hopin’ I was gonna get as a result, you know?
     Not until yesterday.
    “Then yesterday, man, for the first time, I actually got the feeling, I mean I could see this sign, I know this is goin’ sound
     like some serious bullshit, but I could actually see the words out there in front of me, like they were printed on glass or
     a piece of plastic or somethin’ clear like that. Big black letters. Fuckit. Just fuckit. Just run. Don’t care where you come
     in, it don’t matter where you come in. And after all these years of thinkin’ about it and thinkin’ about it, it finally happened—I
     mean it happened over my whole body, it wasn’t just happenin’ inside my mind, you know?”
    “So this was good, right?”
    “Yeah, man, it was like this huge weight fell offa me. And then today, when I was in front of that committee, I had it again.
     I was givin’ it my best shot and not carin’ how it was goin’ come out.”
    “But then I tell you how you’re probably gonna get the result you want but maybe not for the right reason—”
    “Yeah, man, right, exactly, you tell me that, and 1 lost it. That fast, man, I was back all twisted up again. That just funked
     me out. Shit. Now I got to start all over.”
    “Yeah, well, you know what the Buddhists say.”
    “The Buddhists? Don’t take this wrong, man, but anybody ever look like a dago Catholic, man, it’s you,” Rayford said, laughing
     despite trying not to.
    “I know, I know, but yeah, the Buddhists. My one daughter, she got me started with them after my heart started playin’ games
     with my mind. They say life is a series of moments, the Buddhists, so you have to approach each one like it’s brand-new. And
     believe me, nobody knows more than me how hard that is. So I got some idea what you’re talkin’ about. All I’m sayin’ is, don’t
     let yourself get all tied up over that. If the result happens, you know, then that’s your karma. If you lived each moment
     as fully as you could, you were makin’ karma—least that’s my take on it. But don’t quote me, okay, ’cause I’m king of the
     backsliders. I’m always draggin’ this, uh, this wagon around with all my bad memories and prejudices and so on. So approachin’
     anything like it’s brand-new, for me that’s no sure thing, believe me. Hey, c’mon, let’s go see what we can do about your
     battery.”
    “Told you, man, I’m broke. And maxed out on all my plastic.”
    “I’m not. C’mon.”
    On the way to Tony Finelli’s Garage, Balzic said,“I’m gonna say somethin’, and I want you to think about it. I know you got
     the makin’s of a good cop or else I wouldn’t’ve done any talkin’ for you, alright? But even if you get this thing with your
     mother-in-law straightened out, and you’re able to move here? It’s not gonna be any picnic for you here, you know that, right?”
    “Yeah I know that.”
    “Well from my own experience I’m gonna tell you somethin’. The worst is domestics. Inside the residence? They’re fire, man.
     You say the wrong thing, you may as well be spittin’ gasoline. But the next worst—and it’s really gonna be tough for you if
     you don’t think ’em out before you get outta the car. That’s the ones between the neighbors. T-D-K-P-S. Trees, dogs, kids,
     parkin’ spaces, man, I’m tellin’ you, they’re dynamite lookin’ for a fuse. And when you show up? You? All these hunkies and
     dags, especially the old ones, what they’re gonna see first, before they see the uniform,