Rodrick Rules Read Free

child.] "I think I just heard some
    grunting noises coming from the furnace room."
    Saturday
    Rowley came over to my house today. Dad doesn't like it when Rowley comes

    over, because Dad always says Rowley is "accident prone." I think it's because this
    one time Rowley was eating dinner here, and he dropped a plate and broke it.
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    So now Dad has this idea that Rowley is going to ruin his whole Civil War
    battlefield in one klutzy move.
    [Image: A cartoon of a boy bouncing and about to land on the model.] "Duh,
    Bounce."
    Whenever Rowley comes over to my house these days, he gets the same greeting:
    [Image: A cartoon of a man opening the door and warning the boy as he enters.]
    "The Basement is off Limits
    Yes, Sir."
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    Rowley's dad doesn't like ME, either. That's why I don't go over to his house much
    anymore.
    The last time I spent the night at Rowley's, we watched this movie where some
    kids taught themselves a secret language that no grown-ups could understand.
    [Image: A cartoon of two children sitting and speaking in a secret language.]
    "Beegle Boddle Brup Bop!
    Bork!"

    TRANSLATION: AT EXACTLY 2:30 P.M., LET'S ALL DROP OUR BOOKS
    ON THE FLOOR.
    Me and Rowley thought that was pretty cool, and we tried to figure out how to talk
    in the same language the kids were using in the movie.
    But we couldn't really get the hang of it, so we made up our OWN secret language.
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    Then we tried it out at dinner.
    [Image: A cartoon of a family at dinner time. The two boys talking to each other in
    a secret language.] "Your- pa dad-pa smells -pa like -pa a woman-pa!
    Hee Hee Hee!"
    But Rowley's dad must have cracked our code, because I ended up getting sent
    home before dessert. And I haven't been invited to spend the night at Rowley's ever
    since.
    [Image: A cartoon of a boy leaving the house in the night.]
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    When Rowley came over to my house today, he brought a bunch of pictures form
    his trip with him. He said the best part of his vacation was when they went on a
    river safari, and he showed me all these blurry pictures of birds and stuff.
    Now, I've been to the Wild Kingdom amusement park a bunch of times, and they
    have this River Rapids ride where they have these awesome robot animals like

    gorillas and dinosaurs.
    If you ask me, Rowley's parents should have just saved their money and taken him
    there instead.
    [Image: A cartoon of two boys talking in the room.] "Did you see any sharks
    fighting giant tarantulas on your safari?
    No, and sharks don't fight tarantulas.
    Well, at wild kingdom they do."
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    But of course Rowley didn't want to hear about MY experiences, so he just
    gathered up his pictures and went back home.
    Tonight after dinner, Mom made Dad watch one of the movies she rented, but Dad
    really wanted to work on his Civil War battlefield.
    When Mom got up to go to the bathroom, Dad stuffed a bunch of pillows under the
    blanket on his side of the bed to make it look like he was asleep.
    Mom didn't find out about Dad's decoy until after the movie was over.
    [Image: A cartoon of a woman standing behind a man as he works on the model.]
    She made Dad come to bed, even though it was only 8:30.
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    And now Manny sleeps in Mom and Dad's bed, because he's afraid of the monster
    that lives in the furnace room.
    [Image: A cartoon of a man lying awake as his wife sleeps beside him.]
    Tuesday
    I thought I was done hearing about Rowley's trip, but I was wrong. Yesterday, our
    Social Studies teacher asked Rowley to tell the class all about his vacation, and
    today he came to school wearing this ridiculous costume. But what was even
    WORSE was when some girls came up to Rowley at lunch and started kissing his
    butt.
    [Image: A cartoon of two girls talking to the boys at the dinning table in school.]
    "Will tells us more about your trip?
    "SI!" Heh,Heh"
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    But then I realized maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all. So I started
    parading Rowley around the cafeteria, because after all, he IS my best