exasperation. âI donât care which one I ride,â Jase said, and turned his head to stare out the window at the passing scenery. His voice was deliberately careless.
âYou must have a preference,â Cole persisted. âIâve seen you bring the big bay, Celtic High, a carrot every now and then.â The boy had spent a little time each day, brushing the horse and whispering to it, but he never rode the bay.
Jaseâs expression closed down instantly, his eyes wary. âI donât care about any of them,â he repeated.
Cole frowned as he slipped a CD into the player. âYou know what the old man was all about, donât you, Jase? He didnât want his sons to feel affection or loyalty to anything or anyone. Not our mothers, not friends, and not animals. He killed the animals in front of us to teach us a lesson. He destroyed our friendships to accomplish the same thing. He got rid of our mothers to isolate us, to make us wholly dependent on him. He didnât want you ever to feel emotion, especially affection or love for anything or anyone else. If he succeeded in doing that to you, he won. You canât let him win. Choose a horse and let yourself care for it. Weâll get a dog if you want a dog, or another cat. Any kind of petyou want, but let yourself feel something, and when our father visits you in your nightmares, tell him to go to hell.â
âYou didnât do that,â Jase pointed out. âYou donât have a dog. You havenât had a dog in all the years youâve been away. And you never got married. Iâll bet you never lived with a woman. You have one-night stands and thatâs about it because you wonât let anyone into your life.â It was a shrewd guess.
Cole counted silently to ten. He was psychoanalyzing Jase, but he damned well didnât want the boy to turn the spotlight back on him. âItâs a hell of a way to live, Jase. You donât want to use me as a role model. I know all the things you shouldnât do and not many you should. But cutting yourself off from every living thing takes its toll. Donât let him do that to you. Start small if you want. Just choose one of the horses, and weâll go riding together in the mornings.â
Jase was silent, his face averted, but Cole knew he was weighing the matter carefully. It meant trusting Cole further than perhaps Jase was willing to go. Cole was a big question mark to everyone, Jase especially. Cole couldnât blame the boy. He knew what he was like. Tough and ruthless with no backup in him. His reputation was that of a vicious, merciless fighter, a man born and bred in violence. It wasnât like he knew how to make all the soft, kind gestures that the kid needed, but he could protect Jase.
âJust think about it,â he said to close the subject. Time was on his side. If he could give Jase back his life, he would forgive himself for not bringing the old man down as he should have done years ago. Jase had had his mother, a woman with love and laughter in her heart. More than likely Brett had killed her because he couldnât turn Jaseaway from her. Jaseâs mother must have left some legacy of love behind.
Cole had no one. His mother had been just the opposite of Jaseâs. His mother had had a child because Brett demanded she have one, but she went back to her model-thin figure and cocaine as soon as possible, leaving her son in the hands of her brutal husband. In the end, sheâd died of an overdose. Cole had always suspected his father had had something to do with her death. It was interesting that Jase suspected the same thing of his own motherâs death.
A few snowflakes drifted down from the sky, adding to the atmosphere of the season they both were trying so hard to avoid. Jase kicked at the floorboard of the truck, a small sign of aggression, then glanced apologetically at Cole.
âMaybe we should have opted for a