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evil smile. “Lollipop’s is a strip club—a skin shop outside of Vegas. She’s taking her clothes off for money. Which makes no fucking sense, because I paid her enough to live two comfortable lives.”
    He was beginning to rage. Livia hugged him. “Beckett, I want to know what you’ve been doing.”
    Livia was in front of a window again. Though the curtain was secure, Beckett had another flash of her being shot in his arms, so he pulled her back to the couch where they could sit in the semi-dark. He handed her back her phone.
    “You want to know, Whitebread? Well, I can’t tell you most of it. Honestly, I wouldn’t even try in your delicate condition.” But the minute the words were out of his mouth, he knew she would be anything but delicate as a mother. She would be fierce and devoted and tireless. “I’ve spent a year wishing,” he finally said. “Wishing the best for all of you. And looks like I got my wish, right?”
    He looked at her. It was her deep gray eyes that made him tell her. “I was this fucking close to blowing my brains out a few days ago.”
    She nodded, waiting for the rest.
    “I wanted to make my absence permanent, because I can’t trust myself. I want to be close to my family. I’m too selfish to leave forever.” He held his head and looked at the floor, ashamed to be admitting his weakness to his brother’s wife.
    “No. No.” Livia turned his face toward hers. “You love us too much to take away someone we love. Beckett, please, your life is dangerous enough. You don’t need you as an enemy too.”
    “Don’t make me out to be something worth saving. We both know I’m a waste.” His voice was so quiet.
    “I wish I was better at telling you why you have to stay here. I wish I could put into words the part of my heart that has your name written on it. That part hurts right now. You have to be here. You love life too much. You’re so important. I wish I could make you understand this.”
    He tried to smile at her valiant efforts.
    “I would keep you if I could. You can sleep here, right on this couch. Beckett, I will let you hold this baby when it comes.” She touched her stomach. “Does that tell you how much you mean to me? It’s the only thing I can come up with.”
    He shrugged.
    “Mouse would be disappointed. He’d feel like he didn’t do his job if you died…Eve loves you. Wherever she is—in this strip club—is that what you’ve been wishing for?”
    Beckett shook his head.
    “No, right? She loves you. You can’t kill someone she loves. You just can’t.” Livia’s earnest efforts filled the room.
    Really? I already did that, baby. Twice.
    Livia bit her lip.
    Beckett picked up her hand and kissed it. “Thank you. I’m sorry for bothering you.” He stood.
    “Please promise me you won’t try to hurt yourself again. Just promise me that, and I’ll let you go.”
    He loved that she thought she could stop him from doing anything. He knew she would try. “You tell my brothers they’ll hear from me again and to keep up the good work. I’m so fucking proud of them. Tell your sister I told her to get knocked up too.”
    “And? For me?”
    In that moment Livia looked exactly like the wife every man should want: flannel pants, little booties on the table, love written all over her soft skin like it was a newspaper. “I won’t hurt myself on purpose. I promise you.” Beckett turned to leave but didn’t miss the tears on her cheeks. “You lock this door behind me,” he added. “And name that kid Beckett.”
    Just before he closed the door he heard her retort, “But I already named the plant Beckett!”
    He waited until he heard the locks click back into place. Safe again.
    He wanted to go listen to Blake. He wanted to pound Cole on the back. But he needed to find Eve. If one more dude saw her tits, his head might explode. Livia had said something that changed his mind. He would keep his promise to her. He wouldn’t blow his own head off.
    “She