finding your way around in the woods. Actually, you kind of suck at finding your way around anywhere. It’s almost like you were born with no sense of direction whatsoever."
"Why? Are you worried? We're two big grown men with rifles. Plus, they don't usually come out here where there are so many trees and so few meals. Oh, and just for the record, I’m great with directions."
"Dude, some days you can’t even find your way out of bed in the morning."
The thick patch of trees gave way to an old bridlepath. "How the hell did you ever find this, Pete? And where does it lead?"
"You know how boring it is in this town? It used to be pretty cool when there were zombies around all the time and we could stay busy, but now that there are fewer and fewer of them, I'm just sitting around waiting for most of the day. So, sometimes I just go explore shit."
"Whatever you say, homie. Just tell me what's down here?"
"Now that is the question, my friend," I said, smugly.
About two miles later, we came upon an old, decrepit cabin. From the outside, it looked as though it hadn’t been inhabited for years.
"This place looks like it sucks balls, dude. Why would you ever even go in there? There are spider webs all over and I can only imagine the wildlife waiting to make a meal out of you. And that's only if you're lucky! How do you know the former occupants haven't turned and are just waiting inside for a bite to eat?"
"Just calm down, Kyle. I looked in all the windows before I went in. You know I'm a professional."
"A professional what?" Kyle asked.
"Do you want to know what I found or not?"
"Okay, okay. I'll shut up. What's in there?" I could tell he was still pretty nervous.
"Come check it out."
"You know, you keep saying that instead of just answering the damn question, homie."
"Hey, if you don't want to play along, you don't have to, bro. But I'm pretty damn sure this is well fucking worth it for you."
"Well, I can't really argue with that now, can I?"
"There's the Kyle I know. Now go ahead and open up the door," I told him, knowing how much he'd love the idea.
"Have I mentioned that I think you're a total dick?"
"It's possible, but I don't always listen to you when you talk. Now get up there, girl." I gave him a little shove towards the door. Now it was my turn to grin like a giant prick.
With his shoulders slouched forward, he slowly made his way to the door. Looking over his shoulder, he said, "This door is going to creak like in all the scary movies when we were kids, isn't it?"
"You're such a girl, dude."
Kyle slowly opened the door and peaked inside. It was perfectly silent. The perfect opportunity. Right behind him, I grabbed him by the shoulders and screamed as loud as I could while shaking him violently.
"WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?!?!" He may have shit himself a little bit.
"Sorry, man. I couldn't help myself. You understand, I'm sure." To anyone else these words would have been unintelligible laughter, but Kyle knew exactly what I said.
"You're lucky I'm the only person that's as big of an asshole as you. I would have done the exact same thing. I probably should have seen it coming, to be honest. Well done." He was still trembling and his eyes were wide from the scare I’d given him. He had even lost some of the color in his face.
"That's why I love you, bro. Check it out, the door’s open and nothing is coming out to eat you. Can we please go inside now?"
"Yeah, let's just get it over with, already." I could see he was still trying to control his breathing.
"I’m sure you’ll be changing your attitude soon enough. It's still worth it, you’ll see. Follow me." I strolled in like I owned the place. I suppose I did, being that as far as I knew, no one else had spotted it. There wasn't much to look at in the cabin’s main room. It seemed to me that some kooky war vet used to live in the place. There were a bunch of photos of a dude in uniform with different people in different uniforms. It looked like the
"Why? Are you worried? We're two big grown men with rifles. Plus, they don't usually come out here where there are so many trees and so few meals. Oh, and just for the record, I’m great with directions."
"Dude, some days you can’t even find your way out of bed in the morning."
The thick patch of trees gave way to an old bridlepath. "How the hell did you ever find this, Pete? And where does it lead?"
"You know how boring it is in this town? It used to be pretty cool when there were zombies around all the time and we could stay busy, but now that there are fewer and fewer of them, I'm just sitting around waiting for most of the day. So, sometimes I just go explore shit."
"Whatever you say, homie. Just tell me what's down here?"
"Now that is the question, my friend," I said, smugly.
About two miles later, we came upon an old, decrepit cabin. From the outside, it looked as though it hadn’t been inhabited for years.
"This place looks like it sucks balls, dude. Why would you ever even go in there? There are spider webs all over and I can only imagine the wildlife waiting to make a meal out of you. And that's only if you're lucky! How do you know the former occupants haven't turned and are just waiting inside for a bite to eat?"
"Just calm down, Kyle. I looked in all the windows before I went in. You know I'm a professional."
"A professional what?" Kyle asked.
"Do you want to know what I found or not?"
"Okay, okay. I'll shut up. What's in there?" I could tell he was still pretty nervous.
"Come check it out."
"You know, you keep saying that instead of just answering the damn question, homie."
"Hey, if you don't want to play along, you don't have to, bro. But I'm pretty damn sure this is well fucking worth it for you."
"Well, I can't really argue with that now, can I?"
"There's the Kyle I know. Now go ahead and open up the door," I told him, knowing how much he'd love the idea.
"Have I mentioned that I think you're a total dick?"
"It's possible, but I don't always listen to you when you talk. Now get up there, girl." I gave him a little shove towards the door. Now it was my turn to grin like a giant prick.
With his shoulders slouched forward, he slowly made his way to the door. Looking over his shoulder, he said, "This door is going to creak like in all the scary movies when we were kids, isn't it?"
"You're such a girl, dude."
Kyle slowly opened the door and peaked inside. It was perfectly silent. The perfect opportunity. Right behind him, I grabbed him by the shoulders and screamed as loud as I could while shaking him violently.
"WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?!?!" He may have shit himself a little bit.
"Sorry, man. I couldn't help myself. You understand, I'm sure." To anyone else these words would have been unintelligible laughter, but Kyle knew exactly what I said.
"You're lucky I'm the only person that's as big of an asshole as you. I would have done the exact same thing. I probably should have seen it coming, to be honest. Well done." He was still trembling and his eyes were wide from the scare I’d given him. He had even lost some of the color in his face.
"That's why I love you, bro. Check it out, the door’s open and nothing is coming out to eat you. Can we please go inside now?"
"Yeah, let's just get it over with, already." I could see he was still trying to control his breathing.
"I’m sure you’ll be changing your attitude soon enough. It's still worth it, you’ll see. Follow me." I strolled in like I owned the place. I suppose I did, being that as far as I knew, no one else had spotted it. There wasn't much to look at in the cabin’s main room. It seemed to me that some kooky war vet used to live in the place. There were a bunch of photos of a dude in uniform with different people in different uniforms. It looked like the
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