Perfect Princess Read Free Page B

introduced the idea of the mud bath to the Western world, formerly ignorant of its therapeutic beauty benefits.
    Poor Principessa Marcella, she die in Switzerland and is buried in the Borghese family crypt, leaving behind twin sons. But her beauty legacy, it lives on forever! —Paolo
    The Prin Borghese, for all we know, may still be look for prin of their own.* —Sebastiano

    [*I believe what Sebastiano is trying to say here is:
    The Princes Borghese may still be looking for principessas of their own. Forgive me if I don’t get excited. Can these guys really be any match for Princes William and Harry? I mean, with competition like that, why even try?]
    Mia’s Random Act of Princess:
    Be like Marcella: Think royal red! Try a shade of lipstick you normally wouldn’t wear—fiery crimson or flaming scarlet. Practice kissing on napkins. Someday, when you’re famous, those napkins will sell for tons of money on eBay.
    PRINCESS JASMINE
    Jasmine, the principessa from the movie of Aladdin, she does more than rescue that bambino with the flying carpet from his own wretched poverty and obscurity. She single-handedly brings the halter top back into fashion! Sí! After it dropped from the imagination of designers everywhere (no offense to Señor Sebastiano). That jewel in her navel? It also does much to fan the flames of the pierced belly button craze. Bella Jasmine! —Paolo

    Grazie, Jas!* —Sebastiano

    [*I think Sebastiano is trying to say:
    Thank you, Jasmine.
    Okay, I will admit it: I once dressed as Princess Jasmine for Halloween. But since it was cold out, my mom made me wear long johns beneath my see-through harem pants, which fully spoiled the effect.]
    Mia’s Random Act of Princess:
    Be like Jasmine: Make anklets like Jasmine’s for yourself and your friends. Wear them every single moment of the day, even in the shower. Whoever’s anklet falls off first will be the first one to become betrothed to the hot ruler of a foreign land.
    PRINCESS ARIEL
    The little mermaid, who give up her beautiful singing voice in order to get the legs and be near the man she loved? Who can forget her? Ciao, Ariel, we love you! How can we forget her, when she brings back to popularity the very famous shell bra? Not since Botticelli’s Venus do we see this bra (well, her hair cover up the bra in the painting, but we Italians, we know it’s there). Brava, Ariel, for bringing back the bra! —Paolo
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    Ariel, her hair is love, with the nat curls and deep au col. And her tail is quite nice, too.* —Sebastiano
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    [*I believe Sebastiano is complimenting Ariel’s lovely hair, with its natural curls and deep auburn color.
    I don’t think I’ve got enough upstairs to fit into a shell bra, if you know what I mean. This is why I never dressed as Ariel for Halloween. Also, my mom wouldn’t let me, since she says Ariel is a feminist’s nightmare for turning her back on her own species in her effort to secure a man, and besides which, what are her and Prince Eric’s babies going to look like anyway? Tadpoles? Also, in the non-Disney version of this story, the prince fully marries some other chick. So then the little mermaid kills herself. Nice fairy tale, huh????]

    Mia’s Random Act of Princess:
    Be like Ariel: Join the swim team! Swimming is an excellent form of cardiovascular exercise. Just make sure you wear a swimming cap, so the chlorine doesn’t damage your hair. Nothing looks worse than a tiara on green tresses.
    CORN PRINCESS
OF VERSAILLES, INDIANA
    Special guest supplement by Hank Thermopolis, male model and cousin to Princess Mia
    The most stylish princess I ever seen was my ex-girlfriend Amber Grubb, who was Corn Princess of Versailles, Indiana, three years running. In case you aren’t too familiar with corn princesses, let me tell you, they are a very special kind of princess. For one thing, they ain’t—I mean, aren’t—born