Panda to your Every Desire Read Free

oddly shaped ends of wires and work out where they fitted.”

    A READER in a Glasgow fast-food restaurant was disturbed by a little lad yelling at his mother: “You don’t know what I want! You don’t know what I want!”
    The boy’s mother looked down and calmly replied: “Darren, you’re only four. You don’t even know what you want.”

    A READER felt sorry for the mother taking her young children into Glasgow by bus during the school holidays who passed the time by starting a rhyming game.
    “I’ll go first,” she said. “Cat.”
    “Mat,” replied one child.
    “Your turn,” said the mum.
    “Gorilla,” said the other child, and our reader watched as the mother’s face frowned in speechlessness.

    READER Robert Gardner tells us that his grandson had swallowed a five pence piece, and the medical advice was that it could take up to three days for it to reappear. However, the boy’s mum texted Robert to say it was retrieved just the next day.
    “Just like his dad,” Robert texted back. “He couldn’t hold on to money for long either.”

    NOT EVERY young worker is aware of the needs of mothers, it seems. A reader was in a Glasgow city-centre coffee shop when the woman in front of him in the queue carrying a baby in her arms, asked if they had a high chair.
    The young chap serving her furrowed his brow before finally replying: “I think the ones by the front window are pretty high.”

    LYNDA NICOLSON tells us: “The other night my four-year-old niece asked, ‘For a treat, do you have anything for me to eat that isn’t good for me?”’

    A TEACHER says one of her young charges excitedly told her that her mum had given birth to twins. Chatting about them, the teacher asked who they looked like. “Each other,” said the confused youngster.

    CHILDREN are getting more precocious, it seems. Kate Woods tells us about a friend’s granddaughter who was asked by granny what her first day at nursery was like.
    “Good,” the little one replied. “I’m the prettiest girl in the class.”
    “Who said that?” asked granny.
    “No-one,” she said. “I just looked at all the others.”

    SOME newspaper headlines from the world of sport remind Frank de Pellett of the line about the wee boy telling his aunt: “When I grow up, I want tae be a fitba’ player.”
    “Don’t be daft,” she replied. “Ye cannae dae both.”

    SCOTLAND’S heavy snow brought out some neighbourly camaraderie, with folk checking on the elderly nearby. It reminded one reader of the classic – i.e. old – story of the housewife wanting to check on the pensioner next door.
    She sent her eight-year-old son “to see how old Mrs McLeod is”. He returned to say that Mrs McLeod said her age was none of her business.

    “WE WERE having a family argument when my daughter said she had nothing in common with the rest of us, and asked if she was adopted,” said the chap in the pub.
    “So I told her she was – but that it didn’t work out and the other family brought her back.”

    A STORY about Radio 4 reminds a fan of the station in Bearsden of taking his teenage daughter out for a driving lesson in his car. Thinking that she should adjust the mirror before driving off, he asked her: “What’s the first thing you should do?”
    “Change the radio station,” she replied.

    JEFF MILLER at Hampden Cars picked up a dental nurse who told him about her boss being perplexed by a young child who faithfully brushed her teeth twice a day, but was still having a lot of decay.
    Further investigation by the dentist uncovered the fact that the child didn’t like the taste of minty toothpaste, so her mother allowed her to use sugary cola afterwards as a mouthwash.

    ZUMBA, the latest fitness craze using energetic South American dancing, is not known by everyone.
    An Ayrshire mother tells us about her daughter telling her papa that she had to leave early to go to Zumba with her pal. The auld fella told her it was one of Michael Caine’s