Out of Reach: A Novel Read Free

you’re saying.” She stepped forward, into his space. He was the one making her angry. “And you’re out of line. My career, my life, is none of your business. I come here for one reason only, to show those recruits just how nasty the real world can get. So, if you want someone to coddle them—”
    “That not what I—”
    “—get yourself another demo queen. Because I’ve been out there, and it’s no game. And the sooner they”—she gestured toward the group across the gym—“learn that, the more likely they are to survive.”
    She spun around, grabbed the locker-room door, and slammed it open. A few strides later and she was alone inside, collapsed against the lockers, the adrenaline pumping through her system. Balling her fists, she barely kept herself from pounding the cold metal behind her.
    Damn it. Damn him.
    Except for her supervisor, Bill was the only one of her colleagues who knew about Janie and Claire. Thanks to a few too many drinks when she’d first returned to Langley, they’d ended up in bed one night. Which was hard enough to live with, but the things she’d told him . . .
    She shook her head at the memory. Embarrassed.
    Her family situation was private, and she’d been afraid word would get around. However, fifteen years in the Company had taught Bill the art of secrecy. He’d kept her revelations to himself, never mentioning it again to anyone. Not even her.
    Until now.
    He wanted her to see a shrink, for God’s sake. There was no way. That was her sister Claire’s territory, and Erin wasn’t about to trespass.
    Since age twelve, when Erin had watched the adults in her life flounder in the wake of Claire’s disappearance, she’d sworn she would never be a victim. No one would ever have that power over her. She’d kept that promise. She’d made herself smart, topping her class in every subject, and she’d made herself strong, her martial-arts training bordering on obsession. And she’d managed to keep herself together when everyone around her had fallen apart.
    With a groan, she remembered saying those exact words to Bill. Boastfully. As if she’d accomplished something remarkable. When in truth, all she’d done was survive.
    Suddenly, she realized what he’d done. As quickly as it had surfaced, her anger vanished, and she bit her lip to keep from laughing aloud. Leave it to Bill, always the teacher, to demonstrate his point by showing her how close to the edge of anger she treaded. He’d pushed until she’d flashed, lashing out at him for daring to see too much.
    Of course, he was right. She was miserable at Georgetown.
    She’d joined the CIA because it fit her. Working undercover suited her temperament and her training. And because no one would expect that of Claire Baker’s big sister.
    Then, a year ago, fate had twisted her life.
    Her mother’s illness had been sudden and unexpected. Cancer. During a routine cleaning, Elizabeth Baker’s dentist had found a spot in her mouth and suggested she have it checked out. Six months later, after two rounds of radiation and another of chemotherapy, she was dead.
    Erin blamed the doctors and their radical treatment of a woman who’d felt fine until they’d started treating her. She also blamed her mother for her three-pack-a-day habit and the vodka that had gotten her through the nights. And Erin had blamed herself. While her mother had been dying, she’d been overseas running agents for the U.S. government, but more to the point, if not for her, Elizabeth would never have smoked and drunk to begin with.
    Erin sighed, the mistakes of her past a burden she couldn’t ignore. Any more than she could walk away from the responsibilities of her present.
    Standing, she headed for the showers, stripping off the Farm-issued sweats as she went.
    She’d returned to the States for the funeral and never left again. With her mother gone, there was Janie to care for. And Claire. Always Claire.
    Now Erin was stuck.
    The CIA didn’t know