Out of Reach: A Novel Read Free Page A

what to do with her. She wasn’t an analyst or a techie, so they’d placed her at Georgetown while they tried to figure it out. Armed with a Ph.D. in International Studies, which she’d earned before joining the Agency, she taught Ethics and International Relations to twenty-year-olds, while keeping her eyes open for potentially violent anti-American sentiments among the foreign student population. And she worked the embassy circuit, attending parties two or three times a week.
    Not that she minded teaching. She enjoyed it and found hope in the bright young minds, but it wasn’t what she’d spent her entire adult life training for. As for her unofficial assignments—watching foreign students and embassies—on the surface they seemed similar to what she’d done overseas. But it was different on American soil, where she had strict orders to take no action and only report what she saw.
    Meanwhile, her bosses seemed to have forgotten her.
    So, yeah, she was angry. But, as she’d told Cassidy, sometimes life sucked.
    A few minutes later, she left the locker room wearing army fatigues, the standard dress code for CTs and their trainers, with her one-day temporary ID clipped to the breast pocket.
    Bill was waiting for her. “Still mad?” he asked.
    She started toward the exit. “Should I be?”
    “Look, Erin, I’m sorry if I upset you.”
    “Who do you think you’re kidding? You meant to piss me off.”
    He threw her a glance, obviously gauging her mood, then smiled. “Well, yeah, but . . . Okay, hell, I’m not the least bit sorry. But hey, what are friends for, if not to meddle in each other’s lives?”
    They stepped outside, the bright fall sunlight cool and crisp. She turned toward him. “Is that what we are?”
    “I thought so.”
    They fell silent, the memory of that one night awkward and strained between them. Erin retreated to a safe subject. “So, do I come back for your new class next month?”
    He laughed shortly and nodded, obviously deciding he’d said enough on the subject of her anger. “Yeah, I want you.” It was the wrong thing to say. “I mean—”
    She held up a hand. “It’s okay. I know what you meant.” She gestured toward the visitors’ lot—a half mile on the other side of the complex. “I better be going.”
    “I’ll be done here in about half an hour. Join me for a drink?”
    She shook her head. “I can’t . . .”
    “Just a drink, Erin.”
    “It’s Friday, Marta’s night out, and Janie and I do the pizza thing. Plus, I have a long drive home.”
    “Invite me along.”
    That surprised her, and she was half tempted. Despite the family that occupied her every free thought, she’d been lonely this last year. Still . . . “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
    Janie had suffered too much loss already. Erin wouldn’t parade men through her life as well.
    “Okay, then what about tomorrow? I’ll drive up and we’ll make it dinner. I’ll treat you both.”
    “I can’t.”
    He hesitated, then said, “You know, you don’t have to handle this all alone, Erin.”
    She knew what he meant. “Yes, I do. They’re my family, my responsibility.”
    “Erin . . .” He started to say something more, then obviously thought better of it and backed off. “Okay, but if you ever need anyone.”
    She reached out and touched his hand. “You’re a good friend, Bill.”
    “I’d like to be more.”
    “There’s no more of me to give.”
    He looked about to argue further, but dropped her hand and stepped back instead. “Okay, go on and get out of here. You got a kid waiting for you.”
    Smiling tightly, she turned away and started across the grounds to the parking lot. She suspected she was throwing away her chance at a good man, a man who understood her, maybe better than she understood herself. But besides her job, there was no room for anything or any “one” besides Janie and Claire. That was a reality she’d just have to live with.

II
    T WO HOURS LATER , Erin