On My Own Read Free

off the water, which was drying fast thanks to the heat. Then we walked back to his Jeep without even speaking.
    We didn't even talk as he drove me home. He apologized again at my house, and I just nodded and walked away, feeling like a total fool. What would Beanie and Jenny think if they knew? I wondered if I would ever tell them (as it turned out, I didn't). And even now that makes me feel like a hypocrite. But I immediately went up to my room and got down on my knees and prayed.
    It had been more than a year since I first made my commitment to God not to date. And the main reason I made that promise was because of the way things had gone between Josh and me–it's like we could never keep our hands off each other when we were going out.
    So anyway, I told God I was really sorry and that I was wrong. I asked Him to forgive me, and I know that He did. But I must admit it took me a while to really forgive myself. Some people would think this is nothing, but to me it was something. I felt I'd disappointed God–and myself. Still, I reminded myself that I'm human and God doesn't expect me to be perfect–just to be changing daily and becoming more like Him. So I pretty much tried to forget about it. In fact, this is the first time I've given it much thought since then.
    Josh e-mailed me that same night, saying once again how sorry he was and how it would never happen again. He also promised to make sure we didn't set ourselves up for that kind of situation again.
    But even now I am humbled to think how susceptible I was (and still am) to that sort of thing. To be perfectly honest, I think I had some sort of misplaced pride (like I was above falling into that kind of trap again), but God showed me differently–I'm simply human. And I think it was the same for Josh.
    The good thing is, as summer progressed, we did avoid falling into that kind of temptation again. And I believe our friendship deepened and grew. As long as Josh wasn't telling me what to do (in that superior way hesometimes has), we got along fine. Even Chloe mentioned (just last week) how cool it was to see a guy and a girl who could be such good friends without being all romantically involved. I do plan to set her straight on some parts of that theory though–without incriminating her brother, that is. I mean, it is possible for guys and girls to be “just friends,” but you have to keep a pretty close eye on things to succeed at it. Unless you're a saint, which I certainly am not!

TWO
Thursday, September 5 (roommate from ???)
    This morning was registration , and I set my alarm early to make sure I got there in plenty of time to get the classes I needed. As it turned out, I did, for the most part anyway. Unfortunately, my English class was already full, so I have to take it on Tuesday evenings at six. I didn't really want a night class, but the good news is that I only have to go to it once a week. At least that's something.
    I was surprised that my roommate still hadn't made an appearance by last night. In fact, I felt a little worried that she might've missed registration altogether, but it seems she got here this morning and registered just before it closed. That's cutting it pretty close, but I'll keep these thoughts to myself. I sense Elizabeth (or Liz as she likes to be called) wouldn't care what I think anyway.
    Let me describe Liz. She's a tall brunette and kind of big-boned, not heavy though. In a way she reminds me of Minnie Driver, except she doesn't have that same sweet smile. Liz's smile (well, the only one I've seen so far) is much more cynical looking. Kind of a knowing smile, like she thinks she's seen a lot more than everyone else–particularly me. And I could tell right off the bat that she's really sarcastic and skeptical. It's hard to categorize Liz (and I don't really like doing that anyway), but after our brief encounter today, I guess I'd call her an intellectual realist with a great big chip on her shoulder. Okay, I know that's not