OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! Read Free Page A

shower when she wants to keep her perm dry. Most people have a plastic cap. Not something with “Fairways and Son – We build it better and bigger!” written on it.
7.25 p.m.
    TOTAL DRAMA! Gran hid a peanut in Rob’s dinner! When he hadn’t had a reaction half an hour later Gran started jumping up and down in the middle of
Coronation Street
, saying, “Told you! Told you! I’ve cured you. It’s all in that overactive imagination of yours, Rob. Now you can look at an almond with kindly eyes.”
8.43 p.m.
    Rob started being violently ill about 8.15 p.m. He started swelling up. He’s had to go to hospital. Gran think he’s “worked himself up into an inflatable frenzy”. Mum says she’s tempted to call the police!
10.35 p.m.
    Rob’s been given a thing called an EpiPen. It’s like a biro with magic medicine stuff in it. You have to stab yourself with it if you eat a nut or something that’s been hanging around nuts. Rob has to carry it round with him EVERYWHERE. Mum thinks Gran should be prosecuted for murder. Gran thinks it was a genuine mistake. She was just trying to prove that Rob’s problem is “in his brain not his immune system”. Mum told Gran that watching
Doctors
every afternoon does not make you actually medically trained.
    I personally think Gran might be one of the potentially murdering maniacs who Weirdo Jen warned me about. It’s what happens when you fill your life with programmes about posh people getting murdered in the countryside. Gran always acts odd after
Silent Witness
. She always says that had she been born in a different generation she would have been a pathologist – one of those people who examines murder victims and gets clues. “It’s got everything I need from a career, Hattie – good money, justice and gorgeous young policemen asking me for guidance. Don’t you think a white coat and a surgical hacksaw would suit me?” When I asked her if she wouldn’t be a bit creeped out by dead people Gran started cackling and said, “Hattie, I’d love to go to work every day with people who can’t answer back. It’s my idea of heaven!”
    Gran is a teensy bit psycho-mental. I’m glad she does come from a time when women left school at 14, got married and had babies!
11.07 p.m.
    No, I’m not – that’s awful! OMG – whoever thought THAT was a good idea?!
11.12 p.m.
    It was probably men frightened of young girls nicking their jobs. Especially pathologists.
11.25 p.m.
    And policemen frightened of flirting grannies with scalpels!
    I have had NOTHING from Goose today. He is obviously too busy with his gecko to think about my life changing for ever. Talked to Dimple earlier about it. She said perhaps I was too “dismissive”. When I asked her WHAT THE HELL THAT MEANT she said, “Perhaps Goose was trying to get you involved in something he really cares about. It sounds like you were a bit … mean, Hattie!”
    ME MEAN?! It’s OBVIOUS I LIKE HIM! What more do I have to do? Be happy about THE MOST GEEK THING IN THE WORLD?!
    I don’t know why I ask Dimple about men – it’s not like she’s had loads of boyfriends.
11.32 p.m.
    That DID sound mean. Dimple is lovely.
    The truth is, I am officially jealous of a gecko. This is a not good situation. I don’t want to be evil. I want Keith to like me – not to think I’m this horrible spoilt thing that doesn’t like people or creatures. He’s already got that with MGK! LOL!
    All this and Christmas shopping looming…

W EDNESDAY 23 RD D ECEMBER
12.04 p.m.
    Christmas shopping on a low NO budget was difficult but I think I’ve got it sorted. I’ve got Gran a pair of nail clippers (that’s all the technology she can handle, apart from her Nintendo DS), a tartan weatherproof mini coat for Princess, some Britney Spears perfume for Mum (it was MASSIVELY reduced),