Oleanna: A Play Read Free

Well. I don’t know if I’d put it that way. Listen: I’m talking to you as I’d talk to my son. Because that’s what I’d like him to have that I never had. I’m talking to you the way I wish that someone had talked to me. I don’t know how to do it, other than to be
personal,…
but …
    CAROL : Why would you want to be personal with me?
    JOHN : Well, you see? That’s what I’m saying. We can only interpret the behavior of others through the screen we … (
The phone rings.
) Through … (
To phone:
) Hello …? (To CAROL :) Through thescreen we create. (
To phone:
) Hello. (
To
CAROL :) Excuse me a moment. (
To phone:
) Hello? No, I can’t talk nnn … I know I did. In a few … I’m … is he coming to the … yes. I talked to him. We’ll meet you at the No, because I’m with a
student
. It’s going to be fff … This is important, too. I’m with a
student
, Jerry’s going to … Listen: the sooner I get off, the sooner I’ll be down, all right. I love you. Listen, listen, I said “I love you,” it’s going to work
out
with the, because I feel that it is, I’ll be right down. All right? Well, then it’s going to take as long as it takes. (
He hangs up.
) (
To
CAROL :) I’m sorry.
    CAROL : What was that?
    JOHN : There are some problems, as there usually are, about the final agreements for the new house.
    CAROL : You’re buying a new house.
    JOHN : That’s right.
    CAROL : Because of your promotion.
    JOHN : Well, I suppose that that’s right.
    CAROL : Why did you stay here with me?
    JOHN : Stay here.
    CAROL : Yes. When you should have gone.
    JOHN : Because I like you.
    CAROL : You like me.
    JOHN : Yes.
    CAROL : Why?
    JOHN : Why? Well? Perhaps we’re similar. (
Pause
) Yes. (
Pause
)
    CAROL : You said “everyone has problems.”
    JOHN : Everyone has problems.
    CAROL : Do they?
    JOHN : Certainly.
    CAROL : You do?
    JOHN : Yes.
    CAROL : What are they?
    JOHN : Well. (
Pause
) Well, you’re perfectly right. (
Pause
) If we’re going to take off the Artificial
Stricture
, of “Teacher,” and “Student,” why should
my
problems be any more a mystery than your own? Of
course
I have problems. As you saw.
    CAROL : … with what?
    JOHN : With my
wife
 … with
work …
    CAROL : With work?
    JOHN : Yes. And, and, perhaps my problems are, do you see?
Similar
to yours.
    CAROL : Would you tell me?
    JOHN : All right. (
Pause
) I came
late
to teaching. And I found it Artificial. The notion of “I know and you do not”; and I saw an
exploitation
in the education process. I told you. I hated school, I hated teachers. I hated everyone who was in the position of a “boss” because I
knew
—I didn’t
think
, mind you, I
knew
I was going to fail. Because I was a fuckup. I was just no goddamned good. When I … late in life … (
Pause
) When I
got out from under
 … when I worked my way out of the need to fail. When I …
    CAROL : How do you do that? (
Pause
)
    JOHN : You have to look at what you are, and what you feel, and how you act. And, finally, you have to look at how you act. And say: If that’s what I
did
, that must be how I think of myself.
    CAROL : I don’t understand.
    JOHN : If I fail all the time, it must be that I think of myself as a failure. If I do not want to think ofmyself as a failure, perhaps I should begin by
succeeding
now and again. Look. The tests, you see, which you encounter, in school, in college, in life, were designed, in the most part, for idiots.
By
idiots. There is no need to fail at them. They are not a test of your worth. They are a test of your ability to retain and spout back misinformation. Of
course
you fail them. They’re
nonsense
. And I …
    CAROL : … no …
    JOHN : Yes. They’re
garbage
. They’re a
joke
. Look at me. Look at me. The Tenure Committee. The Tenure Committee. Come to judge me. The Bad Tenure Committee.

The “Test.” Do you see? They put me to the test. Why, they had people voting on me I wouldn’t employ to