Nobody Is Ever Missing Read Free Page B

without saying anything and we didn’t even bend a glance at the other because it’s hard to do that when you’re thinking about what a woman can do to herself and how a brick courtyard on a nice autumn afternoon can so quickly become a place you’ll never want to see again. Police officers were speaking into phones and walkie-talkies and one of them walked over to ask me my name.
    Elyria Marcus.
    Ruby was your sister?
    Adopted, yeah , I said, in case they knew that she had been Korean and could see from looking at me that I wasn’t.
    The officer nodded and made a note on her clipboard. She looked at my husband, who was just a stranger sitting next to me at that point and it hadn’t yet crossed my mind to wonder why he was there or who he might be.
    Professor, we need to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind , she said.
    Of course , he said, following her to the back of the office.
    While he was gone Mother showed up, limp and sleepy on whatever Dad was slipping her those days. Dad wasn’t there of course; he was still in Puerto Rico doing cheap boob jobs or something. Mom fell into the seat beside me.
    Oh, it’s waaarm , she slurred. What a nice surprise.
    She snaked her arm around mine and put her head on my shoulder.
    Baby, baby, my little baby. It’s just you and me now. No more Ruby ring, Ruby slippers, Ruby Tuesday. Oh, our Ruby, Ruby.
    It’s normal, I’ve heard, for people to talk a little nonsense at times like these, but she wasn’t even crying or seeming close to crying, which made me feel worse because I wasn’t either. I tried to seem like I was in shock, but I wasn’t, not really. Mother didn’t even try to pretend she was in shock because that’s the kind of beast she is. An officer came over to offer condolences or have her sign something, and she offered him her hand like she expected him to kiss it. He shook it with a bent wrist, then slipped away.
    My precious little Ruby … What was it she always said, Elyria? Am I your favorite Asian daughter? Elly, you know she was my only Asian daughter. What on earth do you think she meant by that? I never understood it. Was that just a joke? Did she ever tell you what she meant?
    I wiped a smudge of lipstick off my mother’s nose. It looked like she had put it on while talking and driving, which was probably true.
    It was a joke, Mom.
    Elyria, she was so beautiful, so smart. People must have wondered how she could stand us. People must have wondered, even I wondered. I stayed up late some nights just watching her sleep, wondering how she’d ever be able to stand it. I guess she just couldn’t take it anymore, our ugliness.
    Mom, stop.
    It’s not our fault. We were just born like this. Well, not really you, dear, but—
    She sat up, pushed her hair out of her face, and took a lot of air into her body. She let it out slow, grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye, and squeezed. It was the first tender moment we’d had in years, but it ended quickly.
    I need so many cigarettes , she said, staggering away. Through the glass wall in the front of the police office I saw her light what would become the first of a dozen. Every few minutes someone would approach her, almost bowing, it seemed. Excuse me , I could see their mouths say, pointing to the NO SMOKING WITHIN 50 FT OF THIS DOOR sign, and she would cut them off with a shout I could hear through the glass. Have you heard of my daughter Ruby? Ruby Marcus? She died today and it wasn’t from secondhand smoke. If that didn’t work she added, Fuck off, I’m grieving , which usually did.
    The professor who wasn’t yet my husband came back and stopped in front of me, standing a few inches too close and looking down. His paleness was glowing. I noticed his suit was too big around the middle and the sleeves too short.
    Do you want to know anything? About her? I was the last one who spoke with her. That’s what they think.
    I didn’t particularly care what some professor had said to Ruby. I’d seen