Never Glue Your Friends to Chairs Read Free

Diz. She was still trying to fix Hassan’s bobbles. “No tapping, please.”
    We sat and waited. While we sat there, I came up with a new invention.
    I put the rhythm sticks in my mouth.
    I made them point straight down.
    Ta-da! Walrus teeth!
    I think when I grow up I may be a famous inventor.
    Or else an ice cream truck driver.
    Dewan and Gus laughed at my walrus teeth.
    Maria put her sticks on her head. She looked just like an alien.

    Even more people laughed.
    Gus put his sticks up his nose.
    He just looked gross.
    Pretty soon we were all tapping and laughing and being walruses and aliens.
    Except Gus.
    He just kept the sticks in his nose.
    “Children!” said Ms. Diz loudly.
    But we couldn’t hear her very well.
    What with all the tapping and laughing.
    Gus held up one of his nose sticks. “I challenge you to a duel!” he cried.
    “Yuck,” said Coco.
    I jumped up on my chair.
    So did Gus.
    You can’t sword-fight sitting down.
    We sort of forgot about the no-sword-fighting rule.

    “Roscoe!!! Gus!!! Children!!!” Ms. Diz held up her hand and put a finger to her lips. “Quiet down NOW!”
    We got very quiet.
    Gus and I froze on our chairs.
    Ms. Diz pointed to the doorway.
    Mr. Goosegarden was standing there.
    He is the principal. That is the big boss of the school.
    He is mostly nice.
    Unless you’ve been Making Bad Choices.
    Then you have to sit in his office and think about your behavior.
    When that happens, Mr. Goosegarden wears his I-mean-business face.
    And right now, Mr. Goosegarden had on his I-REALLY-mean-business face.

8
How to Speak Teacher
    “Children,” said Mr. Goosegarden. “I certainly hope you won’t disappoint your parents with this kind of rowdy behavior at the open house.”
    Coco raised her hand.
    “Roscoe started it, Mr. Goosegarden,” she said. “He made walrus teeth.”
    Coco was not really being helpful.If you ask me.
    “I’m sure Roscoe will remember that walrus teeth are not appropriate,” said Mr. Goosegarden. “And that chairs are for sitting. Not sword fighting.”
    He winked at me.
    Mr. Goosegarden and I go way back.
    “Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know there was a no-walrus-teeth rule.”
    “That’s okay, Roscoe,” said Mr. Goosegarden. “I know you will come through this afternoon.”
    He smiled at Ms. Diz. “Don’t worry,” he said. “The first year of teaching is always the hardest.”
    Mr. Goosegarden waved good-bye. The door closed behind him.
    Ms. Diz sighed.
    She looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s way past time for reading groups.Let’s take off the head bobbles…. I mean the antennae . Just do the best you can this afternoon.”
    She sounded sort of worn-out.
    I felt bad about the walrus-teeth incident.
    Like I said before, kids have so many rules to remember!
    There are a gazillion things we are not supposed to do.
    Who knew making walrus teeth was one of them?
     
    After we put away the bobbles and sticks, we sat at tables for reading groups.
    Reading is fun. But it can be very hard work.
    You can get pretty thirsty trying to make those letters into words.
    After I read four whole sentences,I went to the water fountain to get a drink.
    The fountain is next to the art cupboard.
    Just then, Mr. Frisbee came in. He is a kindergarten teacher.
    “May I borrow some chalk?” Mr. Frisbee asked Ms. Diz.
    “Sure,” said Ms. Diz. She opened the art cupboard. I could see the art supplies I’d brought.
    Including Drucilla’s head.
    And the don’t-you-dare glue.
    Ms. Diz gave Mr. Frisbee a fresh box of chalk. “Here you go,” she said.
    “How was the dress rehearsal?” Mr. Frisbee asked.
    Ms. Diz whispered something I couldn’t hear.
    Then she laughed. “At this rate, I’ll belooking for another job soon!”
    They both laughed.
    But I was pretty sure it was worried laughing.
    Maybe you are wondering how I could tell.
    After all, teachers can be confusing.
    Not as confusing as parents.
    But still. Sometimes teachers have trouble