Mort Read Free

reached the center of the square the rider dismounted, slowly, and fumbled with something behind the saddle. Eventually he—or she—produced a nosebag, fastened it over the horse’s ears, and gave it a friendly pat on the neck.
    The air took on a thick, greasy feel, and the deep shadows around Mort became edged with blue and purple rainbows. The rider strode towards him, black cloak billowing and feet making little clicking sounds on the cobbles. They were the only noises—silence clamped down on the square like great drifts of cotton wool.
    The impressive effect was rather spoilt by a patch of ice.
    O H, BUGGER .
    It wasn’t exactly a voice. The words were there all right, but they arrived in Mort’s head without bothering to pass through his ears.
    He rushed forward to help the fallen figure, and found himself grabbing hold of a hand that was nothing more than polished bone, smooth and rather yellowed like an old billiard ball. The figure’s hood fell back, and a naked skull turned its empty eyesockets towards him.
    Not quite empty, though. Deep within them, as though they were windows looking across the gulfs of space, were two tiny blue stars.
    It occurred to Mort that he ought to feel horrified, so he was slightly shocked to find that he wasn’t. It was a skeleton sitting in front of him, rubbing its knees and grumbling, but it was a live one, curiously impressive but not, for some strange reason, very frightening.
    T HANK YOU, BOY , said the skull. W HAT IS YOUR NAME ?
    “Uh,” said Mort, “Mortimer…sir. They call me Mort.”
    W HAT A COINCIDENCE , said the skull. H ELP ME UP, PLEASE .
    The figure rose unsteadily, brushing itself down. Now Mort could see there was a heavy belt around its waist, from which was slung a white-handled sword.
    “I hope you are not hurt, sir,” he said politely.
    The skull grinned. Of course, Mort thought, it hasn’t much of a choice.
    N O H ARM DONE , I AM SURE . The skull looked around and seemed to see Lezek, who appeared to be frozen to the spot, for the first time. Mort thought an explanation was called for.
    “My father,” he said, trying to move protectively in front of Exhibit A without causing any offense. “Excuse me, sir, but are you Death?”
    C ORRECT . F ULL MARKS FOR OBSERVATION, THAT BOY .
    Mort swallowed.
    “My father is a good man,” he said. He thought for a while, and added, “Quite good. I’d rather you left him alone, if it’s all the same to you. I don’t know what you have done to him, but I’d like you to stop it. No offense meant.”
    Death stepped back, his skull on one side.
    I HAVE MERELY PUT US OUTSIDE TIME FOR A MOMENT , he said. H E WILL SEE AND HEAR NOTHING THAT DISTURBS HIM . N O, BOY, IT WAS YOU I CAME FOR .
    “Me?”
    Y OU ARE HERE SEEKING EMPLOYMENT ?
    Light dawned on Mort. “You are looking for an apprentice ?” he said.
    The eyesockets turned towards him, their actinic pinpoints flaring.
    O F COURSE .
    Death waved a bony hand. There was a wash of purple light, a sort of visible “pop,” and Lezek unfroze. Above his head the clockwork automatons got on with the job of proclaiming midnight, as Time was allowed to come creeping back.
    Lezek blinked.
    “Didn’t see you there for a minute,” he said. “Sorry—mind must have been elsewhere.”
    I WAS OFFERING YOUR BOY A POSITION , Said Death. I TRUST THAT MEETS WITH YOUR APPROVAL ?
    “What was your job again?” said Lezek, talking to a black-robed skeleton without showing even a flicker of surprise.
    I USHER SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD , Said Death.
    “Ah,” said Lezek, “of course, sorry, should have guessed from the clothes. Very necessary work, very steady. Established business?”
    I HAVE BEEN GOING FOR SOME TIME, YES , said Death.
    “Good. Good. Never really thought of it as a job for Mort, you know, but it’s good work, good work, always very reliable. What’s your name?”
    D EATH .
    “Dad—” said Mort urgently.
    “Can’t say I recognize the firm,” said