what to do. I feel like I can’t control anything. It’s like my world is spinning out of control and I can’t stop it.” Again, I watched as she repeated the slow motion blink and peered up at me with lifeless eyes.
Our ice creams arrived after that and I studied her as she ate. She grabbed a straw, slipped the wrapper off, and then slowly placed it into her water. Everything she did was precise, planned. She was methodical in every action. Her long hair fell forward slightly as she leaned in to take a long drink, and then she placed the straw on a napkin next to her fork. We ate in silence. She would look at me occasionally, but it was weird, empty almost. She stopped halfway through and began eating her K cookie. When she was done, she removed the napkin from her lap, folded it neatly, and placed it by her plate. She stood up and nodded at me. I pushed away from the table, grabbing my untouched J cookie. I followed her to her bike.
“Why J? How come you picked this cookie for me?”
She paused, her eyes traveling to the J cookie then to my eyes. “It’s my favorite letter.” She lifted her arm to take her hoodie off. Her undershirt lifted up in the process and I saw marks, dark blue and black bruises on her back and side. I flinched at the sight. My face was frozen in shock, looking at the spots on her, until she removed her hoodie and tied it around her waist.
“It doesn’t hurt, J.” She paused until my eyes connected with hers. “It never did. I’m numb.” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but couldn’t. “Would you like a twelve-year-old’s advice, J?” I just nodded, rubbing the back of my neck, feeling nauseated all over again. “Pretend,” she said clearly, but I was still confused. “Pretend you have control.”
I repeated out loud, “Pretend.” I stared at her as she climbed onto her bike.
“How long do I pretend?”
She gave me a small smile, one that touched her sad eyes before she answered, “You pretend, until you don’t have to pretend anymore. Until, you are what you pretend to be.” She turned around after that and disappeared under the streetlights. I looked down at my J cookie, crumbled in my hand. My mind focused on her words: “Pretend you have control.”
Chapter One
“Excuse me,” I said rather loudly as I gave the guy trying to move his cart in front of mine a look that had him jolting back.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t see you,” he said and I only grunt as I moved past him. I was in the grocery store after working a straight 12 hours on my Sunday. I worked as a veterinarian in a clinic in a low-income part of town, so I saw quantity and not necessarily quality of animal owners. It was both mentally and physical exhausting. It was either shop on a weekend at noon or go home to an empty fridge and waking up eating my sock. I just needed the staples: eggs, milk, and cereal. I knew if I didn’t get out of here soon, I was going to beat the shit out of someone. The clerk started ringing up my items as she looked at me, smiling. I gave her my most seductive smile. I had it down to an art. I waited for the moment she knew I was flirting with my flashing green eyes. I knew she was close to the realization and watched as a giggle and the bright red cheeks took over her face. She began babbling after that, nothing making any sense. I found it amusing. I winked at her after I paid, grabbed my groceries, and headed to my Jeep.
I was happy to finally reach my spacious apartment. I needed breakfast and space away from people since I was feeling aggressive. I rolled my head on my shoulders, trying to loosen up a little before entering. I used my key and took a deep breath before I entered. Bo, my very large beast of a dog, was the first to greet me. He was a Rottweiler on theoutside and a playful Lab on the inside. He was the scariest looking dog I could find, but beneath the rough appearance was a loveable mutt. I brushed past him and set the groceries on the
Anne Tyler, Monica McInerney
John Lynch, Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol