MA08 Myth-Nomers and Im-Pervections Read Free

really appreciate the full impact of this next bit, you have to realize what I was expecting. Living at the Bazaar, I had gotten used to some really showy stuff ... lightning bolts, balls of fire ... you know, special effects like that. It’s a tight market, and glitz sells. Anyway, I was braced for nearly anything, but I was expecting a billowing cloud of smoke and maybe a thunder-clap or a gong for emphasis.
    What I got was a soft pop, the same as you get pulling a cork out of a bottle of flat soda, and a small puff of vapor that didn’t have enough body to it to make a decent smoke ring. End of show. Period. Das ist alles.
    To say I was a little disappointed would be like saying Deveels dabbled in trade. Understatement to the max. I was seriously considering whether to throw the bottle away in disgust or actually try to get a refund out of the Deveel who sold it to me, when I noticed there was something floating in the air in front of me.
    Actually, I should say it was someone floating in the air, since it was clearly a figure ... or to be accurate, half a figure. He was bare to the waist, and possibly beyond. I couldn’t tell because the image faded to invisibility below his navel. He was wearing a fez low on his forehead so it hid his eyes, and had his arms folded across his chest. His arms and torso were pretty muscular, and he might have been impressive ... if he weren’t so small! I had been expecting something between my height and that of a three-story building. What I got would have been maybe six to eight inches high if all of him was visible. As it was, head and torso only measured about three inches. Needless to say, I was underwhelmed. Still, he was all I had and if nothing else, over my various trials and adventures, I had learned to make do with what was available.
    “Kalvin?” I said, unsure of the proper form of address.
    “Like, man, that’s my name. Don’t wear it out,” the figure replied without emerging from under his hat.
    Now, I wasn’t sure what our exact relationship was supposed to be, but I was pretty sure this wasn’t it, so I tried again.
    “Ummm ... do I have to point out that I am your Master and therefore Ruler of your Destiny?”
    “Uh, yeah?”
    The figure extended one long finger and used it to push the fez back to a point where he could look at me directly. His eyes were a glowing blood red.
    “Do you know what I am?”
    The question surprised me, but I rallied gamely.
    “Ah, I believe you’re a Djin. Specifically a Djin named Kalvin. The Deveel I bought you from said you were the latest thing in Djins.”
    The little man shook his head.
    “Wrong.”
    “But ... ”
    “What I am is drunk as a skunk!”
    This last was accompanied by a conspiratorial wink.
    “Drunk?!” I echoed.
    Kalvin shrugged.
    “What do you expect? I crawled into the bottle years ago. I guess you could say I’m a Djin Rummy.”
    Whether my mouth was open from astonishment or to say something, I’m not sure but I finally caught the twinkle in his eye.
    “Djin rummy. Cute. This is a gag, right?”
    “Right as rain!” the Djin acknowledged, beaming at me with a disarming smile. “Had you going for a minute, didn’t I?”
    I started to nod, but he was still going strong.
    “Thought we might as well get started on the right foot. I figure anyone who owns me has got to have a sense of humor. Might as well find out first thing, ya know? Say, what’s yer name, anyway?”
    He was talking so fast I almost missed the opening. In fact, I would have if he hadn’t paused and looked expectantly at me.
    “What? Oh! I’m Skeeve. I ... ”
    “Skeeve, huh? Funny name for a Pervert.”
    My response was reflexive.
    “That’s Per-vect. And I’m not. I mean, I’m not one.”
    The Djin cocked his head and squinted at me.
    “Really? You sure look like one. Besides, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t a Perver ... excuse me, Pervect ... who would argue the difference.”
    It was sort of a compliment.