Lullaby Girl Read Free Page A

an’ wonder about this. Am I?
    ‘I … don’t …’
    ‘But you understand me, now, don’t you? Your first language is English?’
    ‘Mmmmgh,’ I say, an’ hold my head. I’m not used to mixin’ my thoughts with someone else’s. Iss like bein’ forced to do maths. Unfinished problems, with a tickin’ clock an’ jus’ one right answer.
    Rhona smiles, in a sad sort of way. ‘Sorry, hon,’ she sighs. ‘Overload, huh?’ She frowns at the floor for a while. ‘It’s a long road,’ she murmurs.
    I look round the room an’ see a clock on the wall. I never noticed it before. A quarter to eleven, it says. The quick hand’s gone round once by the time Rhona talks again.
    ‘This … newspaper. They’ve got a picture of you now. No one was meant to have that. They printed it with a fuzzy patch on your face, but still …’ She puts her hand on her head, the same way I do, an’ goes quiet for a minute. Then she says, ‘They started a sort of fan club for you, a fortnight ago. People give money to help you, and they’ve been sending it all to Gille Dubh. You’re quite popular, you know. Since this video turned up they’re calling you Lullaby Girl.’
    ‘Lullaby …’
    ‘It’s a lullaby. The song you sing. Don’t you know that?’
    She stares me out. Tears come to my eyes.
    ‘No,’ I say.
    Rhona holds her head. She keeps lookin’, but her eyes have gone tired.
    ‘Well,’ she says, softly. ‘You’re the only one in Britain who doesn’t.’

2
    MmhorGDRegP89/10
    Name: ‘Katherine’
    Gender: F
    DOB: Unknown. (Est. age 30)
    Date of session: 20/04/2006
    Duration: 15min
    T: Therapist, P: Patient
    [Note: Patient is now in a hypnotic trance and has just visualised stepping through a door …]
    T: What do you see?
    P: Too bright. White.
    T: Can you hear anything?
    P: Birds.
    T: Can you hear any voices?
    P: Not sure. No. Hear self breathing.
    T: Is it still bright?
    P: Can make out shapes.
    T: Let your eyes adjust to it and then you can tell me when you start to make things out.
    P: Sitting on something hard. A suitcase. Snow. Outside. Lots of snow.
    T: Look around you. What else can you see?
    P: A street. Wooden houses. Yellow. Red. Green. Candles in ice.
    T: Are there any people in the street?
    P: No.
    T: What can you see in front of you?
    P: A house. Curtains closed. I want someone to come to the window. Want them to let me in. It’s so cold.
    T: Is it daytime?
    P: Yes.
    T: How long have you been sitting here?
    P: Not sure. Came on a bus.
    T: Do you live in the wooden house?
    P: No. Came a long way. It’s very cold. Too cold. Scared will die. Fingers. Freeze.
    T: What did the bus look like?
    P: High up. Dark. Travelled in night.
    T: Can you see the front of the bus? Can you see the name of the destination?
    P: Not sure. Looks wrong. Funny words.
    T: Who do you want to come to the window?
    [No answer. Patient sobs.]
    T: Can you see their face?
    P: Yes.
    T: Can you describe this person?
    P: Handsome. He is smiling. Lines around eyes. But he is not old.
    T: Do you know this man?
    P: [Pause.] Yes.
    T: Why does this man upset you?
    P: [Long pause.] My fingers hurt.
    T: Do you know the man’s name?
    P: [Sobbing. No answer.]
    [Patient is brought out of hypnotic trance.]
    *Session ends*
    #
    Breakfast goes on in the dinin’ room. I don’t like it down here, with all the people. I’ve been here every day, I think, but I didn’t really notice till now. Like my body was here without me inside it. I sit close to the door. Heart bumpin’. Tryin’ to eat. Thur’s people all round. It feels like thur’s hundreds of ’em, but now I know thur’s jus’ fourteen. Fifteen includin’ me. All women. I try not to look at their faces. I don’t like this room. Not by myself. I want to get out.
    Where’s Rhona? She said See you at breakfast . Why’s she not here? I want her to be here.
    I see somethin’ bright, an’ risk a peek. Iss a doorway on the other side of the room. Oh. I’ve been through that