anyone, anyone except for me?”
She sighs.
“That’s partly true,” she admits. “I wish I didn’t remember him. I wish I had forgotten his memory with all the rest, but I didn’t.”
I eyed her speculatively.
“Why would you say something like that about the man that you are about to marry?” I ask. “Do you not love him?”
She looked toward the window again at the cityscape.
“I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I don’t remember what to feel or how to feel anymore. All I know is his face, all I remember is the longing for a life I know I won’t have with him if I say yes.”
My face tenses.
“You haven’t given him an answer?” I question her. “I thought you said you were already engaged, not thinking about it.”
She took a deep breath.
“It’s complicated,” she admits, “There are all these expectations about who I am and what I should be. He never acknowledged me for who I really am, for the things that make me special and set me apart from every other glamour girl in this city. Without my beauty, to him and maybe others… I’m insignificant.”
I suddenly understood, staring into her eyes why she felt she was a monster, why she felt she had nothing without her outer shell. Connor had apparently, over the span of their relationship, put so much weight upon her physical appearance he neglected to notice the things that actually mattered to his wife-to-be. I’m sure she has dreams and ambitions for herself, but how can she reach them, when the only person who promises to love her forever breaks them into a million little pieces?
If I were Connor, I’d do better by her, but unfortunately she isn’t mine. The choice isn’t mine to make.
“No,” she says, “I haven’t given him an answer, but he said to give it some time and that he’s sure I will eventually come around. The wedding is in full force and he plans for it to go off without a hitch.”
I sit silently for a moment.
“Out of all this time you’ve been here,” I ask, “Why haven’t I saw him? Has he not visited you?”
She shakes her head.
“He’s spoken with my doctor and they assure him that I’m fine now,” she tells me. “I suppose he thinks it’s not anything to miss work over if I’m OK. His work always seems to matter more than I do to him, but that’s the lifestyle of a true businessman I suppose.”
I frown in disbelief and in annoyance.
“Some husband he will be,” I unintentionally whisper.
I retrace my words.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize. “I didn’t mean––”
She nodded agreeably, cutting me off.
“It’s OK,” she mumbles. “I understand...”
The thoughts inside my head are too much to contain. I regrettably speak my mind.
“You deserve better,” I tell her. “You deserve someone who will be there rain or shine. I don’t know where that perfect guy is in the world out there, waiting for such a beautiful and special girl like you, but I do know that he isn’t someone like Connor. You have so much to give, so much to offer and I just don’t wont to see you waste all of it on a man who will undoubtedly throw it all away.”
The room grows cold as a tingle runs down my spine. The young woman’s eyes pierce my own to almost an unbearable degree.
“Why did you save me?” She asks. “Why are you still here, even now?”
I hesitate for a moment trying to find the right words.
“I saved you because it was the right thing to do,” I admit honestly, running my sweaty palms nervously over my thighs, while I sit at the edge of her bed. “I had to help you because I saw that you were in need.”
She eyes me speculatively as I glance around the room, looking for something to change the subject.
“You didn’t answer my second question,” she tells me. “Why are you still here, even though you don’t have to stay.”
My eyes meet
She sighs.
“That’s partly true,” she admits. “I wish I didn’t remember him. I wish I had forgotten his memory with all the rest, but I didn’t.”
I eyed her speculatively.
“Why would you say something like that about the man that you are about to marry?” I ask. “Do you not love him?”
She looked toward the window again at the cityscape.
“I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I don’t remember what to feel or how to feel anymore. All I know is his face, all I remember is the longing for a life I know I won’t have with him if I say yes.”
My face tenses.
“You haven’t given him an answer?” I question her. “I thought you said you were already engaged, not thinking about it.”
She took a deep breath.
“It’s complicated,” she admits, “There are all these expectations about who I am and what I should be. He never acknowledged me for who I really am, for the things that make me special and set me apart from every other glamour girl in this city. Without my beauty, to him and maybe others… I’m insignificant.”
I suddenly understood, staring into her eyes why she felt she was a monster, why she felt she had nothing without her outer shell. Connor had apparently, over the span of their relationship, put so much weight upon her physical appearance he neglected to notice the things that actually mattered to his wife-to-be. I’m sure she has dreams and ambitions for herself, but how can she reach them, when the only person who promises to love her forever breaks them into a million little pieces?
If I were Connor, I’d do better by her, but unfortunately she isn’t mine. The choice isn’t mine to make.
“No,” she says, “I haven’t given him an answer, but he said to give it some time and that he’s sure I will eventually come around. The wedding is in full force and he plans for it to go off without a hitch.”
I sit silently for a moment.
“Out of all this time you’ve been here,” I ask, “Why haven’t I saw him? Has he not visited you?”
She shakes her head.
“He’s spoken with my doctor and they assure him that I’m fine now,” she tells me. “I suppose he thinks it’s not anything to miss work over if I’m OK. His work always seems to matter more than I do to him, but that’s the lifestyle of a true businessman I suppose.”
I frown in disbelief and in annoyance.
“Some husband he will be,” I unintentionally whisper.
I retrace my words.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize. “I didn’t mean––”
She nodded agreeably, cutting me off.
“It’s OK,” she mumbles. “I understand...”
The thoughts inside my head are too much to contain. I regrettably speak my mind.
“You deserve better,” I tell her. “You deserve someone who will be there rain or shine. I don’t know where that perfect guy is in the world out there, waiting for such a beautiful and special girl like you, but I do know that he isn’t someone like Connor. You have so much to give, so much to offer and I just don’t wont to see you waste all of it on a man who will undoubtedly throw it all away.”
The room grows cold as a tingle runs down my spine. The young woman’s eyes pierce my own to almost an unbearable degree.
“Why did you save me?” She asks. “Why are you still here, even now?”
I hesitate for a moment trying to find the right words.
“I saved you because it was the right thing to do,” I admit honestly, running my sweaty palms nervously over my thighs, while I sit at the edge of her bed. “I had to help you because I saw that you were in need.”
She eyes me speculatively as I glance around the room, looking for something to change the subject.
“You didn’t answer my second question,” she tells me. “Why are you still here, even though you don’t have to stay.”
My eyes meet
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