Love Made Me Do It Read Free Page B

slightly.  He slept and I tried to sleep.  I had too many things on my mind.  Then I gave up and just watched him. It was serene.  I needed that serenity. 
    I woke him up a few hours later and asked him to take me home.  I could tell that he didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to leave him.  But I needed to go home and deal with my fiancé. Unlocking my front door was terrifying.  Especially, since I had no idea what would be on the other side. 
    My fiancé was wide awake. He looked at me with so much disgust.  The anger that was on his face paralyzed me.  He bombarded me with questions, “Is he bigger than me?” “Did you like it?” “Did you kiss him?” “Did you suck his dick?”  I tried to remain silent. How was I supposed to answer those questions?  This was too much.
    I know I was wrong.  But I was also aware that our relationship was not perfect.  He continued to drill me.  Finally I gave in. “Yes, he made me climb the walls!”  “That’s what you wanted to hear right?” “He has everything you don’t have.”  “Now leave me alone before I really hurt your feelings.”
    My fiancé started to cry. So I shut up. I said enough.  The damage was done.  Although I was at fault, I would not allow him to continue this physical and verbal abuse. Finally, he stopped talking.  My house had become a war zone.  I was walking on egg shells around him.  Too scared to talk to him or even look in his direction.  I knew that if I said the wrong word.  He would hurt me.  The days and nights flew by.  I hadn’t had one opportunity to talk to my lover.  That was killing me. 
    I thought about him every day.  Nevertheless, I never felt that it was safe to call him.  My fiancé was watching me like a hawk.  Until I just couldn’t take the separation anymore.  My lover had my attention.  Hell, he had my heart.  I started calling him from work, the BART Station, even payphones at the grocery store.
    I met up with my lover on several occasions.  Meeting up with him was definitely dangerous.  But it was worth it just to see his face.  Ironically, on the days that we did have an opportunity to see one another, my fiancé would inspect me. He would look to see if the back of my hair was matted down.  He even wanted to inspect my panties.  But what he really wanted; was for me to tell him what he already knew.  My cheating was evident and obviously much more than just sex. I was happy with my lover and miserable with my fiancé. My lover invaded every inch of my being.  My soul.  My thoughts. He gave life to me.
    I spent countless hours mapping out, how I could see him without getting the shit beat out of me.  I was home alone and didn’t have a clue where my fiancé went.  The timing couldn’t be any more perfect.  I called my lover and suggested that we have movie night.  “I’m already dressed.” “I’ll meet you out front in 10 minutes.”  That was all that needed to be said.  I walked to the front of my complex and waited for my lover to pull up.  I surveyed the area. I didn’t see my fiancé or anything suspicious.  Finally, I would have the opportunity to relax. 
    I heard my lovers car, before I seen it turn the corner.  I stood closer to the curb and he pulled up and opened up my door.  As soon as I sat down, my fiancé leaped out of yet another hiding place.  The bushes.  He wanted to fight me.  Instead, my lover was ready to fight him.  I was caught up, between my past and my future.
    Violence wouldn’t solve this situation.  I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.  I told my lover that I would be okay.  I wanted to do whatever it took for my fiancé, to thoroughly understand that it was over.  We needed to have a heart to heart.  I needed to be honest about my feelings.  He was belligerent and loud.  I was ushered into the house.  This was not going to go well. 
    He hit me so hard in my throat that I gasped for air. Once again I was down on the