bat-winged monster.”
Ann: “You need help. The kind of help I cannot provide.”
Cornish Owlman
Kin to the mothman sighted in the United States in the late 1960s, the Cornish Owlman, sometimes referred to as the Owlman of Mawnan, was first sighted in the late 1970s in the village of Mawnan in Cornwall, England. Eyewitnesses indicate that this birdlike creature stands over seven feet tall and has large red eyes that glow in the dark like the lit tips of cigarettes. Its main talent appears to be the ability to transfix small rodents with its glare, but it has also mastered the art of somber, silent standing in remote ominous locales. For this reason, you should not break the mood by tickling, poking, or otherwise teasing the Cornish Owlman, as it is very delicate and will dissolve into a weather pattern or a spray of dandelion seeds at the slightest suggestion of disbelief.
Ann: “Unfortunately an owl is not kosher because it is a bird of prey (Lev. 11:17), and obviously you cannot eat a man because that is cannibalism.”
Evil Monkey: “Again, though — delicious! Especially if you pull a turducken and stuff a fairy hedgehog inside of it, and maybe stuff all of that inside of a Behemoth.”
Ann: “You crazy sheygetz, what am I going to do with you?”
Dragon
Although commonly thought to originate in China, some form of dragon exists in almost every culture. Most dragons are large reptile-like creatures that may or may not breathe (or spit) fire or poison. Some dragons have wings and can fly. Others do not have legs at all but crawl along the ground on their bellies. In Jewish religious texts, the earliest mention of a dragon-like creature is in the Book of Job (26:13) and Isaiah (27:1), where it is called “Nachash Bare’ach,” or a “Pole Serpent,” also translated as “the dragon of the sea.” Some dragons appear to possess great wisdom, along with the power of human speech. Other types are evil or benevolent. As Dr. Jorge Luis Borges has pointed out in various texts, there are as many dragons as fish in the seas, adding somewhat randomly that they make a report four times a year to their “superior deities.” If you see a dragon, run for your life. It’s either smarter or stronger than you, or both. Sometimes dragons have been known to take the form of tax collectors, so run from them as well.
Ann: “No reptiles or amphibians.”
Evil Monkey: “No exceptions? What if a dragon asks politely to be eaten?”
Ann: “Jews don’t take suggestions from non-kosher food.”
Evil Monkey: “Does that mean you take suggestions from kosher food?!”
Ann: “Shut. Up.”
Encantado
Of Brazilian origin, the encantado is a dolphin-like creature that can take human form at night to eat, drink, and have sex. Said to be musically adept and attracted to parties, the encantado has a strong libido that has produced many illegitimate children and ridiculous alibis. When it falls in love with a human, the encantado may even kidnap the object of its affection and take that person back to the sea. If you suspect your blind date is an encantado, look for the subtle signs: Is your blind date’s hair wet? Does your blind date have a habit of saying “e-e-e-e-e-e-e” in a high-pitched register? Does your blind date have a vestigial dolphin-tail? If so, it is simply a matter of whether this is an issue for you or not.
Evil Monkey: “Surely it’s kosher when it’s a dolphin.”
Ann: “Hey! Dolphins are cute. We can’t eat them.”
Evil Monkey: “Cute animals are not kosher?”
Ann: “A dolphin is a mammal just like you. It has no scales, even though it has fins. Besides, what if it starts changing while you’re eating it?”
Evil Monkey: “Seems like that’d be the least of your worries with this creature.”
E.T. (Extra-terrestrial)
Although “E.T.” could refer to any alien being that visits earth, the term has come to mean the title character in the famous movie by Steven Spielberg (a nice
Ann: “You need help. The kind of help I cannot provide.”
Cornish Owlman
Kin to the mothman sighted in the United States in the late 1960s, the Cornish Owlman, sometimes referred to as the Owlman of Mawnan, was first sighted in the late 1970s in the village of Mawnan in Cornwall, England. Eyewitnesses indicate that this birdlike creature stands over seven feet tall and has large red eyes that glow in the dark like the lit tips of cigarettes. Its main talent appears to be the ability to transfix small rodents with its glare, but it has also mastered the art of somber, silent standing in remote ominous locales. For this reason, you should not break the mood by tickling, poking, or otherwise teasing the Cornish Owlman, as it is very delicate and will dissolve into a weather pattern or a spray of dandelion seeds at the slightest suggestion of disbelief.
Ann: “Unfortunately an owl is not kosher because it is a bird of prey (Lev. 11:17), and obviously you cannot eat a man because that is cannibalism.”
Evil Monkey: “Again, though — delicious! Especially if you pull a turducken and stuff a fairy hedgehog inside of it, and maybe stuff all of that inside of a Behemoth.”
Ann: “You crazy sheygetz, what am I going to do with you?”
Dragon
Although commonly thought to originate in China, some form of dragon exists in almost every culture. Most dragons are large reptile-like creatures that may or may not breathe (or spit) fire or poison. Some dragons have wings and can fly. Others do not have legs at all but crawl along the ground on their bellies. In Jewish religious texts, the earliest mention of a dragon-like creature is in the Book of Job (26:13) and Isaiah (27:1), where it is called “Nachash Bare’ach,” or a “Pole Serpent,” also translated as “the dragon of the sea.” Some dragons appear to possess great wisdom, along with the power of human speech. Other types are evil or benevolent. As Dr. Jorge Luis Borges has pointed out in various texts, there are as many dragons as fish in the seas, adding somewhat randomly that they make a report four times a year to their “superior deities.” If you see a dragon, run for your life. It’s either smarter or stronger than you, or both. Sometimes dragons have been known to take the form of tax collectors, so run from them as well.
Ann: “No reptiles or amphibians.”
Evil Monkey: “No exceptions? What if a dragon asks politely to be eaten?”
Ann: “Jews don’t take suggestions from non-kosher food.”
Evil Monkey: “Does that mean you take suggestions from kosher food?!”
Ann: “Shut. Up.”
Encantado
Of Brazilian origin, the encantado is a dolphin-like creature that can take human form at night to eat, drink, and have sex. Said to be musically adept and attracted to parties, the encantado has a strong libido that has produced many illegitimate children and ridiculous alibis. When it falls in love with a human, the encantado may even kidnap the object of its affection and take that person back to the sea. If you suspect your blind date is an encantado, look for the subtle signs: Is your blind date’s hair wet? Does your blind date have a habit of saying “e-e-e-e-e-e-e” in a high-pitched register? Does your blind date have a vestigial dolphin-tail? If so, it is simply a matter of whether this is an issue for you or not.
Evil Monkey: “Surely it’s kosher when it’s a dolphin.”
Ann: “Hey! Dolphins are cute. We can’t eat them.”
Evil Monkey: “Cute animals are not kosher?”
Ann: “A dolphin is a mammal just like you. It has no scales, even though it has fins. Besides, what if it starts changing while you’re eating it?”
Evil Monkey: “Seems like that’d be the least of your worries with this creature.”
E.T. (Extra-terrestrial)
Although “E.T.” could refer to any alien being that visits earth, the term has come to mean the title character in the famous movie by Steven Spielberg (a nice
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