Just Stupid! Read Free Page A

me. Not any longer. I’m walking out of here.’
       Danny looks at me, his eyes shining.
       ‘Can I get expelled with you?’ he says.
       ‘Sure,’ I say. ‘Between us we can break twice as many rules as I could on my own. We’ll be out of here in no time.’
       ‘All right!’ says Danny.
       ‘It’s a deal!’ I say, holding out my hand. ‘Give me the secret shake.’
       ‘What is it again?’ says Danny, bending over and putting his hand through his leg. ‘Is this right?’
       ‘No, Dan,’ I say, ‘that’s the old one. Honestly, what’s the point of having a secret handshake if you can never remember it?’
       ‘Well it’s been a while,’ he says, ‘what with the holidays and everything.’
       I’m about to show him when a woman comes into the room. She must be our new teacher.

       ‘Quick—get into position,’ I say. ‘Don’t worry about the handshake. And don’t forget to take your shoes off.’
       I lean back on my chair. The new teacher is holding an old-fashioned projector and a small yellow slide box.
       ‘Good morning,’ she says. ‘My name is Ms Livingstone. Sorry I’m a little late. I had a bit of trouble finding the room. I flew in very late last night and I didn’t get much sleep. I was supposed to arrive a few weeks ago, but the yacht I was sailing was destroyed by a tsunami in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I was marooned on a tiny island for many days before the rescue helicopters saw my smoke signals. I was beginning to give up hope that they would find me before the school term started. But, as you can see, here I am, safe and sound—just a little tired.’
       Excited murmuring breaks out all around the room.
       I think they actually believe her!
       I look at Danny and roll my eyes.
       ‘As if!’ I say.
       She probably just slept in. Just like I’ll be doing tomorrow morning. In a minute she’ll see the blackboard . . . then she’ll ask who Andy is . . . then she’ll see me and Danny and before we know it we’ll be on a one-way trip to the principal’s office. This is too easy.

       She still hasn’t noticed me—too busy fussing around with the stuff on her desk. She hasn’t seen the blackboard. I have to get her to turn around.
       ‘Would you like me to clean the blackboard for you?’ I say.
       ‘Yes, thank you,’ she says without looking at it—or me.
       ‘Okay,’ I say, stomping up the aisle as loudly as I can and swinging my arms in the stupidest and most attention-getting walk I can manage.
       As I’m walking, I accidentally knock Lisa Mackney’s folder off her table. It goes flying, hits the floor and the pages spill out everywhere. Lisa stares at me. I wish this had happened to anybody’s folder but Lisa’s.
       ‘I’m sorry, Lisa,’ I whisper.
       I get down on my knees and start gathering up the paper. I push it all into the folder as neatly as I can.
       ‘That’s really nice of you to help pick allthat up,’ says Ms Livingstone. ‘You must be quite a gentleman.’

       ‘But it was me who knocked it off in the first place,’ I say.
       ‘We all make mistakes,’ she says.
       ‘But I did it on purpose,’ I say.
       She laughs.
       ‘I can’t believe that somebody as helpful as you would do a thing like that,’ she says. ‘And even if you did, I’m sure you had a very good reason for it.’
       ‘No I didn’t,’ I say. ‘I did it because I’m bad and evil and I deserve to be sent straight to the principal’s office.’
       Ms Livingstone laughs again. She thinks I’m joking.
       ‘Look at the board if you don’t believe me,’ I say.
       Ms Livingstone looks at the board.
       ‘That’s very amusing,’ she says. ‘Who is it supposed to be?’
       ‘It’s you!’ I say.
       ‘Me?’ she says. ‘It doesn’t look anything like me.’
       She picks up a piece of chalk and, with just a few quick lines and