Underwater Read Free

She hadn’t been able to get time off work to come with us to his colonoscopy test. Deep down, I was glad. I just didn’t like the fact that I had to be the one to tell her.
    I sat down and turned my body toward hers. “We still aren’t sure about everything,” I said, watching her cautiously. “They found a tumor in his rectum.” Her eyes opened wide, but she remained quiet. ”They are sending the results for a biopsy test to determine if it’s cancer.” I tried to break the news as gently as I could, but this kind of news was brutal, no matter how delicately you tried to say it. You can’t dress up the pain of this reality with flowery words. All you could do was say it and hope to God you could get through it.
    My mother remained still, completely unmoving. A tear fell down my cheek. Say something.
    Long minutes of torturous silence passed between us.
    But all I got was more intolerable silence. It was then I realized she was going into shock.
    Now what am I going to do?
     

     
    I couldn’t bring myself to concentrate on anything. The only place where I felt bits of happiness was at work. I worked in a small clothing store in our neighborhood near my house. The place was bustling with life, always filled with people. It was never monotonous.
    There, I didn’t have to think. I was always busy, and I simply blessed those hours.
    Adam, my little brother, didn’t know about the news yet. There was no point in freaking him out until we knew what we were dealing with. And I was in no hurry to wreck his world.
    When I got home that night from work, my dad was sitting on the couch watching TV. He hadn’t heard me come in, so I stood in place and observed him in silence. These past few months hadn’t been kind to Ray Maier. He’d lost weight. His face, which was once full around the edges, was now thin. His cheekbones were prominent. His skin was pale. It was hard looking at the man I’d always considered untouchable become so vulnerable.
    Putting my bag on the mahogany table, I went to the couch and flopped down beside him. “Hey, Dad. How was your day?” I asked, going for a normal tone as if everything was alright with this damned world.
    Looking down at me with sad eyes, he half-smiled and said, “It’s better now that you’re here.”
    I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow. And it was even harder to breathe as I watched my father try to fake a smile.
    For my sake.
    How could I live without him?
    I forced myself to smile in return, put my head on his lap, closed my eyes, and savored the quality time we still had.

“I am not this hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within.”
    — Rumi
     

     
    “T he biopsy test and CT scan show that it is cancer and it is spreading to other parts of the body – to the liver, pelvis, and lungs.”
    I sat between my mom and dad, clutching their hands in mine while the doctor told us our worst fears had become a reality. My mom stared at Dr. Brown with a blank expression and I wondered what was going through her mind.
    “The best option for now is to start a series of chemo treatments and see how his body responds.”
    I turned my head towards my dad when I started to feel his hand pull away from mine. I knew he was scared but he was trying to look strong, like he didn’t need me to hold his hand.
    Well maybe he didn’t, but damn it, I needed to hold his . I held on tighter and refused to let go, showing him I was here for him. That I would stand by his side and help him with everything that I could.
    Because I was his baby girl.
    His buttercup.
    And because I loved him.
    Every single day we weren’t doing something could cost my dad his life. I decided then and there that I would do whatever it took to make it all happen. He needed to start the treatments sooner rather than later. I didn’t care how hard it was going to be, or how loud I needed to scream. All that mattered was my dad’s