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to think about that. I don’t know the person
I’m supposed to be now. On the plus side, I don’t seem to have aged much. I
know because when I went to the bathroom earlier I looked hard at myself. I was
shocked at first; my hair was so dark it was almost black. The last time I
remember dyeing it, it was red. I was happy to see that my bangs, a horrible
error in judgment, had finally grown out. I was also more pale than usual so my
dark eyes stood out, but all in all I was relieved to see I looked pretty much
the same.
    But back to Carter. I
didn’t know what to feel. He wasn’t here when I got back to my room and I was
happy for the reprieve. I had no clue what to do there. I don’t love him in a
romantic way. He’s great-he’s Cheryl’s brother. I’ve known him for years and
he’s fun to be around and everything, but we were never intimate . Sure, he grew up to be hot as hell and he’s also quite
possibly the most polite and gentlemanly person I’ve ever met next to Cheryl’s
dad, Robert, but he’s still Cheryl’s little brother. I just couldn’t wrap my
head around the fact that we were a couple. Too
weird .
    This was all too strange. I didn’t even know
what’s in my refrigerator right now. A simple thing really, but it’s a big deal
if you can’t remember. At least for me. I don’t like change. I need to know
what’s what all the time. I realize it probably had something to do with the
chaotic way I was raised. I didn’t even need therapy to understand that. But
right now I felt like my world had been turned upside down. That’s why I
couldn’t bring myself to believe I was involved with Carter. How could he go
from being Cheryl’s little brother to my boyfriend ?
Was that even the right term? Is it live-in lover? No, I don’t like the sound
of that. Anyway, the point is that he’s four years younger than me. He’s only
twenty three; I know because I made the food for his birthday party a few
months back. I’m almost twenty eight. Wait, I was almost twenty eight two years ago. I’m twenty nine now. No,
it’s September and my birthday is in August, I’m thirty . The big 3-0.
    I’ve got to stop thinking.
It’s wasn’t helping, it’s only made my chest tight. I want to go to sleep and
wake up and have everything be normal.
    I don’t know how long I
had been staring at the ceiling before the door opened and the nurse from
earlier came back in. She smiled and walked over to the machine at the side of
my bed. She nodded as she jotted down something then turned to me.
    “Are you feeling okay?”
Hmm. Physically, I guess I felt all right. My stomach growled. When did I eat
last?
    “Yeah. I’m pretty hungry,
though. Can I get something to eat?”
    “Yes.” She looked down at
her watch. “The lunch cart should be around shortly,” she answered and went to
a chair over by the door with a newspaper sitting on it. I hadn’t noticed it
before or I would have already looked through it. “It’s from yesterday, but at
least you’ll be able to get some current information from it.” She handed me
the paper and I pored over the headlines.
    Nothing good stared back
at me. We’re still in a recession, still in Afghanistan . Everything looked
about the same.
    I scanned the top of the
paper. Yep, September 28, 2012. I flopped back on the pillow and closed my
eyes. I just wanted to rest my brain. I’m totally not ready to deal with this
yet. A few seconds later I heard the rattle of the lunch cart down the hall and
the click of my door, sleep would have to wait.
    “Honey, are you feeling
better?” It was my mother, not my lunch. I braced myself for any possible
surprises before I opened my eyes.
    “Yeah Mom, I’m feeling a
lot better. Thanks for coming.” She had added some blonde highlights to her
hair since I had seen her last but I didn’t notice anything drastic.
    “Well, Carter called and
told me you had an accident so I just hopped in the car and got on the road.
You look okay,