Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth Read Free

and that’s all.
    “WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS THE PACIFIER? IT JUST DIDN’T DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR, YOU KNOW!” she hollered very loud.
    Then me and Daddy had to help Mother look for the pacifier speedy quick. ’Cause she was losing her grip, I think.
    I looked in the couch. That’s because sometimes if you push your hand way under the cushions, you can find some good stuff under there.
    This time I found three Cheetos and a popcorn.
    They were very delicious.
    After that, I looked under Daddy’s big chair. Only it was too dark to see under there. And so I runned to get the flashlight. ’Cause I learned about flashlights in school, remember?
    Flashlights are fun to shine in the dark. I shined it in the dark closet. And also down the dark basement steps.
    Then I remembered another dark place. And its name was screaming Ollie’s room. ’Cause his shades were pulled down for his nap, that’s why.
    I runned right there very fast.
    “Look,” I said to screaming Ollie. “I’ve got a flashlight.”
    I shined it on his ceiling.
    “See? See that little round circle of shine up there?” I said.
    Then I shined it on his jungle wallpaper.
    “And see the monkeys, Ollie? And the hippo-pot-of-something?” I asked him.
    Only screaming Ollie just kept right on screaming. And he didn’t show courtesy to me.
    Courtesy
is the school word for listening very polite.
    That’s how come I shined it right in his big fat crying mouth.
    Except for just then a problem happened. And it’s called Mother sneaked up on me in her quiet sock.
    “JUNIE B. JONES! WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” she hollered.
    I did a gulp. Then my heart got very pumpy. Because I was in big trouble, that’s why.

    “I’m shinin’,” I said real soft.
    “OUT!” she said. “OUT RIGHT NOW!”
    And so that’s how come I started to leave. Except for then the flashlight shined on the floor. And I saw something very wonderful down there.
    “HEY! LOOK! IT’S THE PACIFIER!” I shouted. “I FOUND THE PACIFIER! IT WAS HIDING UNDER THE ROCKING CHAIR!”
    Then I hurried to pick it up. And I gave it to Mother.
    Her face got relief on it.
    “Thank goodness,” she said.
    “Yes. Thank goodness,” I said back.
    Mother wiped the pacifier off. Then she blowed on it very hard.
    “Yeah, only you can’t blow germs off,you know,” I said. “’Cause stuff that’s been on the ground is very dangerous.”
    And so then Mother gave me the pacifier. And I washed it off with soap and water.
    And guess what? Then I put it right in Ollie’s mouth. And he stopped crying!
    Mother looked proud of me.
    “Where did you get so smart?” she asked.
    “At school, that’s where,” I said.
    Then all of a sudden my eyes got big and wide. ’Cause a very great idea popped right inside of my head!
    “HEY! I THOUGHT OF IT!” I hollered. “I THOUGHT OF WHAT I CAN BE FOR JOB DAY!”
    Then I jumped up and down. And I runned down the hall.
    Daddy was in his chair reading the paper.
    I busted through it with my head.
    “I THOUGHT OF IT! I THOUGHT OF WHAT KIND OF JOB I CAN BE WHEN I GROW UP!”
    Daddy said, “Slow down,” to me. That’s because he didn’t know what the heck I was talking about, of course.
    “Yeah, only I can’t slow down,” I explained. “’Cause I’m very celebrating! And now I don’t have tension in me anymore!”
    Just then Mother came into the room.
    “What’s all the excitement about?” she said.
    I clapped my hands together. “I have a ’nouncement, that’s what it’s all about!” I said real happy.
    “Well, what is it?” said Mother. “Tell us!”
    And so then I stood up straight and tall.
    And I told Mother and Daddy the name of the job I’m going to be when I grow up!
    “That’s a good one, right?” I said very excited. “That’s the bestest job you ever heard of, isn’t it?”
    Except for Mother and Daddy didn’t answer me. They just kept on looking and looking at each other.
    Then Daddy did a funny